Ashes (Who We Are)
by hairyputah
Summary: As we grow old, sometimes we wish to be a kid again. But in my case, I STRONGLY wish that it did not happen to me in a form of being reincarnated as an androgynous kid with an affinity of getting into every bullshit and saving emotional dampening kids who like to set themselves on fire ;; semi!AU, male!OC, mc uses neutral pronouns
1. bullies, death, and reincarnation

**I've noticed that most Reincarnated!OC stories feature the main OC being calm and pretty much okay with their situation, so I wanted to take my hand on an OC story where they are reincarnated but was mentally and psychologically not okay with their situation.**

 **FOREWARNING ;; Soon, the story's rating will change to M. All I need is for you to speak up if the content doesn't suit the T warning. Don't worry, I'll be sure to put up warnings.**

 **EDITED ;; I turned everything to past tense because of some complications. Also, Japanese words, gah. I'm just a noob. Also the phrasing, ugh! Thanks to Singular Poisonous Ashes for their advice the the constructive review!**

* * *

 _chapter one_

 _bullies, death, and reincarnation_

* * *

I remembered a classroom.

I remembered a classroom, with chairs on top of their desks when it was wiped clean, leaving a faint but heavy and sickening smell of bleach in the air.

I remembered seeing myself standing in that lonely classroom.

Maybe it was how the shadows creeped into the playground that was my classroom after hiding in their domain, or maybe it was how the sun was in its crepuscle's wake, auburn and red as it dwelled on the horizon within the blur of the canvas―maybe it was how, coming from the open windows, the air was crisp and cool that sent refreshing shivers in this humid classroom with no means of cooling aid.

From where I was standing, weary eyed and thoughtful of going home, I would love to think that the view was beautiful, but it was marred when footsteps echoed from the hallway, a rhythmic sound that shrieks alarms in my head. A group of smiling classmates stopped by the open door and I knew that there's no salvaging from the fate imposed on me by these cruel humans.

The leader called out with a smirk, throwing a plastic of murky brownish-yellow water up in the air and catching it in his hand.

"Ooooh, if it isn't our beloved Hero! How's your morning this day?"

His fellow goons roared in laughter, faces dark and hollow with grinning white eyes. I vacantly looked at them, no flashes of emotions in my eyes, but I was fiddling with the hem of my sweater as the memories rushed in.

 _White flowers trapped inside a broken vase was sitting on my vandalized desk, words with a black permanent marker._

 _I glanced at it and ignored the tidal waves coming in forms of laughters and sunken faces with white smiles and eyes._

 _「DIE! YOU WORTHLESS SPACE!」_

 _「WHO CARES ABOUT YOU?! USELESS BASTARD」_

 _「STOP TRYING TO BE A HERO YOU FAIL, YOU ALWAYS FAIL」_

 _「WHY DO YOU TRY SO HARD?! NOBODY CARES」_

I gulped and hoped to God it wasn't obvious.

"Oh well, why don't we answer that?" Those words beckoned the start of the mayhem as the lackeys behind the leader threw garbages at me.

I closed my eyes when the trashes made impact, paying attention to its smacking sound and never to the heavy pounding of my heart and the echoing laughters, and then I opened my eyes to glanced down at the mess that began to grow in piles around me.

From my position, it looked like I was looking down on the garbages.

 _Stop it._ I admonished myself.

 _Don't look at the garbages like you are above them. You are just worthless like them, growing in piles and rotting away just like everyone because you are like them, like us, like the humans we are, so despicable when we can't see the fragility of life._

I pursed my lips, shriveling my heart into pieces because it is better to not feel at this moment. I made my way to the locker for a black garbage bag, only to stopped when something wet hit me.

Opening my eyes that were instinctually closed when the murky water exploded on me, I looked at the group that were laughing, laughing, _laughing._

"THE STRONGEST LOSER!"

"WHY DO YOU EXIST?!"

"THE FAKE HERO! THE GREATEST JOKE OF ALL!"

 _"DIE, DIE, DIE!"_

 ** _"DIE!"_**

My heart speed up in overwhelming impending doom and my breathe hitched.

 _Stop. Breathe. In. Out. In. Out. Calm your heart. Breathe. Breathe. **BREATHE.**_

 ** _IGNORE THE NOISE._**

 _Head held high. Posture straight._

 _Don't give in._

 ** _Never give in._**

Exhaling, then unclenching and clenching my fists, I continued my quest on finding a garbage bag with the addition of a mop. I arrived at the locker and-

"OI." A hand crashed down on the locker's door next to my head, shrieking alarms in my head as I turned around to face the monster, my wide petrified eyes meeting blazing eyes that smiled mirthlessly. "Oh well, now I've got you."

My breathe hitched.

 _Stop. Breathe. Be calm. Head high. Posture straight._

 _Nothing. Think nothing and see nothing._

"Oi. Are you listening to me?" Suddenly, my lungs were restricted of air and instinctually I clawed at the hands that were around my neck, feeling panicked as I was dragged higher until the tip of my toes can't touch the floor.

 _Air, **air!** I need ㅡ !_

"Shit," the monster flared his nose and tightened his grip, purposely placing his thumb deep in my windpipe. I wheezed and clawed tighter, struggling, fighting forㅡ"Shit, why can't you die?"

 _Air, air ㅡ **Need** ㅡ I ㅡ_

"Why do you exist?" He whispered gruffly, nearing his face to mine. Intimidated by the close proximity, my blown out pupils registered his brown eyesㅡ _brown like the dirt he is, brown like the shit he is, useless useless useless_ ㅡand he spoke, slowly before rambling out. "Can't you just die right now? You can, right? Why don't you use your hands to kill yourself? Do something about it. Who would find worth in you? Your mom? Your dad? They're gone, right? Right? I'm willing to bet nothing because look at you. So worthless, like a damn useless piece of shitㅡ"

He always spoke, rambling about my existance. Why do I exist? I can die, just do something about heart I have. Or I can just do something about my brain that makes me think about myself. All it takes is my hands and that's that.

I never did it. Never listen to their words, only looking forward, merely staring at a blank canvas.

Because I held on the fact that there must be something else, but all I do was just trudge my feet to my former glory, looking at the world with no aim nor worth.

 _(Why am I living?)_

I wheezed, kicking my legs to fend him off but a strong punch to my stomach got me coughing and exploding from the pain, and there's _bloodbloodblood_ that splatters on the dirt that was the monster's skin.

 _(Why is he living?)_

"Shit," he grinned shakily, a manical one that shows his dirty, dirty soul that Satan should pick up because he is the one that should die and not me because ㅡ

 ** _(I wish to enjoy the life I need to live for.)_**

"Scream. Fucking _scream_ , bastard."

I flared, clamping my dull hands tighter on his wrists, trying to rip it off and I gurgled, screaming him like the world is going to end and it was his fault and everything was going black the dots are invading and I can't die like this ㅡ need to _fight_ at least ㅡ I _need_ ㅡ I _want_ to live ㅡ _ **live a life.**_

The monster laughed, hoarse and ear-piercing like hearing a violin being played by glass shards and I realized I was crashed into the windows, not strong enough to penetrate through it or get pierced by it but enough for it to crack and shatter.

 _ **CRASH!**_

There was a sickening crack behind me and I could hear the glass in shatters and the laughters and screams as I spewed out more blood, a symphony played by the devils and a dance led by broken shards.

Everything was blurry, a mess like a waterpaint full of colors thrown in regardless of their tone. The darkness was taking them over, and I gripped the loosening hands that were on my neck.

 _Screw this screw this why did he have to toy with me why why why_

Brown eyes peered at me, looking blown-out and amazed like he made a grand discovery that receive international attention. "Oh? Still alive? Guess we need to throw you away, I think?"

Hearing those words sent all rational thoughts flying out of my mind. It's like a virus, an army of insects slowly invading, infesting its dirty eggs that continued to crawl under my skin. I was silent throughout the ordeal as the others laughed and came close but I didn't notice because there's a storm brewing inside my dirty soul.

My life isn't something that you would rid me of so half-assedly. It is not something to toy with. It is not something to play with by deciding which pressure is enough to have me groveling for the air and chocking just to fight for it (only to prove how weak I am).

But is it something that isn't worth as any other human being?

 _i **S m** Y l **iFE s** O **WOr** tHLes **s?**_

The hands were gone and I breathe life with relief and ㅡ

I opened my mouth in a silent horror and spewed out the disgusting water, trying to move my body but there are hands trapping me and _since when did everyone cornered me?_ I can't breath because the liquid was at my nose level and _God_ I am trying not to breath but it's so difficult because this is the worst everything's unfair _why why why_

"...omg that's seriously disgusting..."

"...brilliant idea...!"

"...whose piss is inside that plastic...?"

Everything become humid and I can't breathe because my face is trapped inside a plastic with human piss which is so difficult and I want to breathe but the air is decreasing and ㅡ what I can see was plastic and disorientated as dark spots gradually spread out.

I kicked and moved around but the hands were there and they act like chains dragging me down to my death and I can't _breathebreathebreathe_. I saw brown and suddenly my throat was clamped down, and I registered a solidness pushing on my windpipe and I chocked on human liquid, the disorientation leaving me regardless of my situation except of myself. My life is going to be gone and I had yet to even enjoy what is stored for me but why do the world keep taking everything away from me?

I wished I hadn't even see the dark side of this world.

I regret many things. I can't comprehend why this is happening to me.

I am a human.

And I _want._

I _want to live._

 _I want to breathe._

I want to give my all in this life I am losing.

(But solitary creature am I, watching the world lifelessly with no aim and no passion.)

I gurgled into the disgusting piss as a telltale sign that my death coming andㅡ

* * *

I gasped.

And found myself in a dim narrow hallway, the only source of light a shy blue luminescene, emitted from the fishes entrapped in the aquarium.

I sprung up from my lying position on the cool floor and coughed roughly before heaving and puffing my cheeks out at the coiling sensation in my stomach, rushing upwards like a carbonated drink.

I puked all over my lap.

I desperately clutched my neck in panic because I felt hands over my neck, enslaving me like heavy chains and I breathed.

I breathed.

I beathed and my hands were now lightly touching my neck to feel the smouldering hot pain that marked me in my death.

 _(I can breatheㅡ_

 _But I remember dying.)_

 _._

 _(Asphyxiation with a head entrapped in a plastic half filled with murky yellow human piss.)_

 _._

 _(I died.)_

 _._

 _(I died.)_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _(I **dI** e **D.)**_

I inhaled and realized that there's a lump on my throat, burning so strong it reached to the depths of my heart. I clutched at the the shirt and tried to breathe because I can'tㅡ

Little droplets fell from my eyes, the burning clot in my lungs only restricting my pathway.

Everything is so painful, why is this even happening to me? How can my life change so drastically when I graduated to high school? I want to live happily, even amidst the crowds who laughed at me and crooned degrading terms because why bother your life for someone who is in need of help?

 _Why help people when they clearly don't need you?_

Isn't it funny that you tried to help people who would only join others in bullying you?

I did my best, you know. I really, really did my best to live an ideal life, but no. I tried and _tried and tried_ and yet why is it that I am awarded with such a horrible thing? Why did humans did this? Why are they so cruel and judgemental and so boring and so fucking worthless like me-

I lived a life full of solitary, no one to reach out and no one to even hurt, and yet why?

Why?

.

.

.

 _(Stop wishing for more regret. Stop wishing. You're eighteen, not a child.)_

I rubbed my hands over the wet trails on my cheeks, spreading the moisture. It gave me little relief that I could still comfort myself out of this without disruptions. I curled into myself, not mindful of the mess on my lap because I was now too numb to feel something for myself. Circling my legs not to close to my chest with the other arm, I laid my head on the bridge of my knees, wide undulating eyes staring into the dark floor.

I stayed like that, sitting on the cool floor all alone while contemplating my situation.

So I died.

Died in one of the most humiliating and degrading ways that could ever happened.

Jus as t I was bound to go home after finishing my cleaning duty all by myself which my cleaning partner dumped on me so that they can be early for a date.

The fact that I died seemed to be an inkling of the past now, but I can't help but felt its phantom presence will haunt me.

I died so young, not able to experience something so beautiful because of my solitary. Eighteen is an age so young to die. I was malcontent with most things life has to offer that I became adapted with how everything seemed to be moving with a bright future while I'm rooted with a blank paper in front of me, feeling many emotions swirling in me.

Solitary can do that much to you. It can make you feel many things if you are only able to.

I wished that I was able to experience what was it like to be a free teenager, a teenager with bright future and lots of feelings too loud for the world. Solitary comes with a maturity and a languidness that I really don't want.

I sighed and mentally thought of a mantra to just accept it.

I glanced up, noticing the surrounding and feeling a bit fazed by the eerie atmosphere. Slowly, I stood up, weak and fully numb with poisonous past wounds and I gazed at the fishes.

There was a certain exhilarated beauty when I gazed at the aquatic animals. Their wide, undulating eyes were transfixed on me, slightly shrouded in the darkness that would have been conquered if only the light wasn't weak.

I let my eyes roamed over the area before deciding to follow their light with no clue of where I was heading towards. When I went deeper into the hallway, the scenery took a subtle change that I didn't notice until the hallway spread out in a wide circle.

In the fishes' stead were dead jellyfishes, slowly billowing in the soft water current as their translucent bodies brought out a murky blood red light, shallowing the room in its despair.

At the center of the room was a large dead willow tree, grey and withered. Sitting on the branch of the tree was a person shrouded in darkness. I stared with apprehension of the surrealistic surrounding.

I sucked in my breath when the person looked up to gazed at me.

The person was a a personification of Death itselfㅡ _no_ , it is Death itself, with looks to not be trifled with. It bears a face ridden of blood and muscles, leaving a hollow skull full of spider web cracks and empty sockets. Tall at the height in which is unattainable for human, its shadow loomed beyond me, entrapping me under its unsettling authority. The scythe gleamed with the red hue from the dead jellyfishes, almost hidden by the torn cloak that covers its body.

I watched and watched and watched and I can't bring myself to say anything, feeling something holding me too tight to not let me breathe and I wiggled my clammy fingers

 _"Anything you want me to say as some wise parting gift?"_

Its voice was broken but surprisingly smooth to accompany the soft and melancholic piano at the background. I perked my ears when, in fact, there's a piano playing in the background.

The sound was soothing, small and quiet and absolutely eerie.

It's so quiet it was like a white noise. Shards of the past like how everything seemed to be quietened around you, leaving a hollow buzz in their wake.

I thought of the way he speaks. Like it was from England. Is it imitating British accent? I stilled myself away from the thought and asked slowly, hesitating over my words. "Is that your job?"

Its chest rumbled and it leaned back, the shadows distorting its face in such a way I felt my chest constricting, crushing all my organs and leaving me breathless. I was scared of scary things, I briefly remembered.

 _"That's a bit cliché, lad. I do whatever I want with the people I receive."_

I tried for a small smile but can't help but let in a bit of derision. It's Death, I know it is because it's obvious due to its appearance. I inhaled to collect whatever confidence I could garner.

"Well, you're Death, right? Unless you're just a figment of my imagination." I laughed but it sounded so wrong and not me. It did, however, managed my growing weariness.

 _"Death is always there of your free will."_ It merely replied and I have to suck in a punch through the heart.

 _So you're saying that my death is of my free will?_

"Okay." I didn't want to ponder on what it said and paused to collect my thoughts for a cohesive statement.

Or at least.

"I'm dead, and you're Death." Joking is a nice coping ability fo situations I can't accept, to maintain my calm because panicking wouldn't help anyone.

 _"Now you are a sick puppy."_ Death tutted at me like a rjokingky reprimanding mother.

I sucked in a breathe. God, Death's acting like some teen speaking in a weird accent to garner attention. It's unusual carefree attitude is mocking me of the teenager live I had.

"Why am I in such a weird place?" I asked softly, remembering the aquarium and how it really doesn't fit in except it does great for an eerie atmosphere.

Death hummed. _"That's just prep for you. You're on your way to a nice and bright journey, lad."_

"To Hell?" Those words tumbled out of my mouth quietly and I didn't bother praying for forgiveness to any heavenly deities sitting in a throne on the heaven. I'm dead, and the dead can't do anything more or lesser than that.

 _"Nope, sorry to burst away your bubble. Ol' Luci might shove a thing or two up your ass like those stuffs you read."_ It flippantly flips it's skeletonized hand.

I didn't react strongly to what he said, just a bit disattached and slightly embarrassed because of the remunder. "Yeah, I indulged in sin. So? I'm just a human."

I cringed a bit at that. _How foolish._

 _"News flash, you're a human. Congrats on realizing that, lad."_ Death swung its skeleton legs to and fro. _"Anyway, you know why you are here, yeah?"_

I paused for some morbid amusement. "I died." I blurted out, blinking languidly. The news didn't send me brawling into madness or some hysteria like what I would expect.

I understood where I am heading and planning for.

Saying those words, words that I died, it was my defeat. I was resigned to the revelation of my early deathbed.

 _"Go beyond what your mind can reach, lad."_ Death made a clicking noise with its fingers against the branches.

I deadpanned, feeling emotionally tired with this conversation. "I died a death."

Death shook its head like a disappointed mother. _"Plain sick, aren't you?"_

"I died of asphyxiation." Bile threatened to force out at the memory and its faint flavor settled on my tongue but I shallowed it down, cringing.

 _"That's brutal. The way you died."_ Death's tone took a soft route.

I shrugged, unconsciously squaring my shoulders in an attempt to fade away and be disassociated with the one who takes lost souls to whatever destination. "Well," I continued, "they watched too much television as a child to attain that kind of imagination."

 _"Okay,"_ Death said adruptly and brought out his scythe. _"You will go and get your chance to somewhere else."_

"What are you doing?" I stepped back fearfully at the sight of its scythe. Death floated down from his place and it stood a few meters away from me. It faced me and held its scythe like a wand with a spell upon its tip.

 _"Just do what you think you should do. Always, lad. Off you go."_ He held the scythe upward like he was giving divine punishment.

Panicked, I took a step behind me.

But like a person helpless to fate's impending doom, he slashed his scythe at me and I screamed, clawing at my chest because it burns, _burns, **burns!**_ It was like thousand suns exploding, their magma splatting deep hell's flames in my insides, tearing me into pieces and, scorching my veins with poison and rearrangingㅡ

* * *

ashes

(who we are)

* * *

I woke up.

Then a sudden heaviness weighed me down like there was lead in my veins,. I forcibly pried my eyelids wide open only to felt an exploding shock in my head, prying a hiss from me when the bright light from above let the staggering nausea of colors blind my vision. I squeezed my eyes tight to soothe the pain in.

"貴様、" a voice cursed, alarming me of another presense. I groggily turned my head to the voice, feeling something soft yet rocky underneath my head. _Uncomfortable_. Everything is. The duvet that's covering me. The bed I was laying in. What is that person saying? "ガキ、大丈夫？串、やれが-"

"I'm no-"

I tried to speak but end up coughing harshly from the dryness of my lungs, the pain pulverizing me into more nerve-wrecking coughing fit. A hand softly grabbed the back of my head to lifted it up and I felt a press of something cool on my lips. I opened my mouth and felt the soothing warmness that was water, drinking it.

When I was done, I breathed in gratefully and felt relaxed when the water was in my system. My lungs weren't burning Hell's flames and wasn't scrapping sandpaper in.

I sighed through my nose, feeling relaxed like all problems were gone with the wind. Then a current of exhaustion washed me away like tidals ripping me away from the earth and I plummeted down to the bed despite the gentle hold on my head.

"Damn, shit, the hell? Damnit, stop cussing. Hey, kiddo. Are you okay? C'mon, open your eyes. I swear you are not in some alien spaceship." There was a rustle and I felt my head being grabbed, then lowered down into a soft material. It felt like laying on the clouds in heaven. I shuffled and let my body feel contented with this.

It took me some time to opened my eyes, and what greeted me was a peach color of a human skin. The light was dimmed so I wasn't sure of the colorㅡand the thing...

I looked up and saw a blank faced man staring at me with dead eyes. He significantly brightened, despite the blank face he has on. It was showing in his dead eyes. "Oh hey, feeling at least any better?"

I breathed slowly, feeling a sudden tightness in my chest, crumpling me heart and my soul into a small weak thing. The situation feels too... _surreal_. It's sickening, really, perhaps, maybe. I feel like my body wasn't mine, but it was, and it feel too real, reeking of something I can't identify but was too stuffy.

I pursed my lips. The man rubbed his neck, crossing his eyebrows and tucking his lips in a thin line.

"はぁ？エイゴ？マジけ？。。。えと、あ。Okay, well thenㅡ糞ㅡshit, wait, no, I'm sorry! Pretend you don't hear anything, okay kiddo?" He seemed disgruntled at the mess that was his speech and I felt briefly amused at the look of his face.

The man rubbed his nose, looking lost and awkward. "Kid, we're gonna talk later, so knock your head to sleep?"

God, just as soon as he said that, I felt my eyes dropping on their own, the darkness taking over the surrounding as I drifted off to the abyss.

* * *

The room was quite small for a growing teenager to live in. It was just a observation. Really. The living room was now cramped with a bedridden me.

I was surprised that I thought of my temporary caretaker as a man. He was just a 12 years old teenager growing and studying, living alone in this small room. Maybe it was how his eyes look so dead like he had seen this world rotting away or how he held himself that made me thought of the teen as a man. He cussed frequently and was oddly calm with everything even when he was kind of unaccustomed to a new guest.

During my recovery, I was always tucked on the floor bed he lended me. Nothing for the past five days entertained me. The teen was awkwardly conscious of himself when he paid attention to me and tried to control the way he spoke, which resulted in conversations only when it comes to my wellbeing and needs, or to clarify himself.

The only thing that was an entertainment was the routine of sleeping, staring at the ceiling, my thoughts and blank state of mind, the teen's struggles with his speech and cusses, and how he doesn't know what to do with meㅡespecially when it comes to feeding.

So when I am fully recovered, the kid made a decision where we have to talk about this. This being the new occupant which is me and how I came to be.

I was curious, so I gave my agreement.

And so, I watched him made his way on the low table and positioned himself with one leg splatted under the table and the other bent up to support his forearm. His expression was his usual bored as hell mask and his dead eyes didn't betrayed his thoughts.

I glanced at the items on the low tableㅡa water jar, mikan and two glassesㅡand tucked myself on the low table after a lot of hesitation on the etiquettes of the kid's origin. It made me feel concious of how I carried myself, because _I knowㅡI senseㅡI feel_ ㅡthat this isn't what I should be doing.

It's scary how my instincts are going against myselfㅡmy body.

"Um... okay, kiddo," he started off awkwardly. "Do you... know anything?"

"No," I answered certainly. I had spend my five bedridden days trying to know bits of myself, and while the lack of information left me paranoid and helpless, there isn't anything I could do.

He paused, humming in a thoughtful way, before blinking his dead eyes at me. "How about... remembering how you came to be here?"

I pondered on his question. I tried to know myself, but I really didn't delve on what I can remember, and he did gave an important point, on how I came here, so I try to rememberㅡsomething, anything, everything. All that came was just blank white silence, echoeing deep and off the wall. I didn't even remember everything, huh?

I told him quietly, voice rough and raspy from not using. "All I know was gone. Just a blank space."

 _" ...guess we need to... you... I think?"_

And I felt my throat hitched as my mind registered a sharp shock. "And there's a voice! It was..." Just as fast as it came, the words immediately drifted off because I felt unsure of everything I know, distrustful of the knowledge I have.

The teen's eyebrows furrowed and he held an uncomfortable expression. "Kid, wanna know where I found you?" He frowned and didn't wait for a reply. "I found you passed out, bloody and dirty as hell, on my door."

I looked at him, not at him but beyond him, seeing the plain walls and a desk with a laptop and suddenly feeling like I wasn't supposed to be here. The air became thick and it was harder to breathe in, my airway was lodged that, no matter how much heaving I done, would cut off everything. Then there was a slow heat burning from my heart, licking flames at my inside and I desperately clutched at my shirt.

A rough shove against my shoulder and suddenly I was brought back to reality, eyes focused on the teen's brown eyes, seeing the determined concern swirveling. "Breathe. _In. Out,_ " he instructed sharply.

His words brought back a sharp sting through my heart, leaving me desperately aching for the one thing Iㅡ

The teen flinched back, looking alarmed now. "Damnㅡshit, sorryㅡstop, don't cry. Oh God."

 _Huh? What?_ I brought a hand up to my cheek, feeling wetness underneath my fingertips. _Why?_ I sniffed, then I willed the tears to go away, but the hollow hole in my chest fluttered and sent strong ripples and the lump grew stronger on my throat and I can't get the tears to go away.

The teen rubbed his head in embarrassment. "Kid, I'm sorry. I really didn't meant any harm. Really!" He turned his head away as if he had remembered something. "Damn, where's the tissue?" He used the low table to rise up and he left the room in his quest.

The emptiness swallowed me in this little room, entrapped me in such a sick feeling. It was like I was a small febble child, lost in a white silence as the world goes on, grows bigger, and mocks me of myself.

God, why is this happening?

How can I... feel _so, so, so empty, lost, andho_ this body?

Why is everything gone when I need to remember them?

The teen came back to his place at the low table, handing me a handkerchief of white and pure golden vines. "Kid, here's to wipe them off."

I stared down at the handerchief and lightly grabbed it, avoiding his hand, his touch because I am aware of myself, of this sickening thing I call body. I wiped the tears gone and clutched the handkerchief in my hands, staring at the vines craved in the canvas, how golden and fine it was.

The teen then sat not across from me but on the other side. He stared at me and it created an uncomfortable silence, neither of us wanting to talk out of this. Eventually, the teen gave in. "Kid, let's talk. I needㅡ"

"What's your name?" I blurted out quickly in a rush and looked up to meet his eyes, feeling something take hold of me. Asking that made me aware of how I never called him 'stranger'. I was too calm about him.

I need something to hold on, to hold onto.

 _(Perhaps he was just a fragment piece of myself.)_

He didn't look surprised. "Name's Shimane." He jerked his head in greeting.

 _Shimane._

I nodded, storing his name because he helped me, a stranger who should be at least report me to police. I began to introduce myself. "My name..."

I went numb once I realized I can't remember my name. My heart was drumming wildly as I realized I don't remember my name, I couldn't remember my name. I tried to breathe and say that I don't know, but _I just can't._

 _Stop it, stop it, stop feeling so fucking paranoid, goshー_

"Kid, calm down." Shimane clamped his hand on my shoulder, and I jolted under the heat radiating from itㅡthen I noticed.

My shoulders were small.

 _Was I small?_

I inhaled, the action sending more jolts to my heart rather than calming it. My stomach flipped and I saw the world swirling in hazy colors when I felt disorientation about the entire being that was me.

I flinched and jerked into reality when I felt something cool and wet hit me.

 _Water was splashed me,_ I've realized.

"Calm down." The teen lowered the glass down to the low table and I watched him, dead and silent, struck with the cold. "Kid, you have, like, a serious case of amnesia."

I blinked. _What?_

Shimane nodded, certain in his testimony. "You don't know your name. You also look like a corpse. Seriously, you can be that kid from the clichè scary movie."

"Sorry." I paused immediately in track, feeling my heartbeat picking up speed and my palms sweating buckets, clenching and unclenching to calm myself down.

Why does my voice sounds so... _foreign?_

I felt like it was not how it should sounds like.

 _There must be something wrong with me._

A shiver travelled down to my spine, leaving me feeling needle pricks at the revelation.

I know and feel something _so fucking wrong_ with me.

 _So uncomfortable, uncomfortable, uncomfortable, **uncomfortable.**_

Feeling disattached from everything and solely focusing that there is something wrong with me, I clutched the rough and wispy hair. I jerked at the strands to inspect its appearance. It was short. I tugged it further to see at least a bit of my hair.

"Kid. Serious amnesia issue you got there." Slowly, I turned my eyes to the teen, who clearly showed his uncertainty and his frown dipped down further.

Well, who wouldn't? At this situation?

Shimane stood up and went around the table. I followed him with my eyes as he opened the small closet near the island of the kitchen. After grabbing a plain t-shirt and shorts, he shut the door and handed them to me. "You need to relax. Bathing helps."

I casted a glance at the clothes and at him, then back again to the the clothes. He thrusted them further and I looked at him. Shimane quirked an eyebrow. "Seriously? Are we gonna play this game?"

I blinked, unsure to just accept everything. "I..."

Shimane huffed closed-mouth. "Extra toothbrush is already prepared. Just unwrap the plastic. Your towel is blue." He gave a particular look like he was inspecting me. "Just call me if getting the towel is too high for you."

I stood up and noticed he was tall. The estimation should be around five heads or so. The pain grew on my neck when I looked up at him long so I muttered a soft thanks and grabbed the clothes, hesitating about just accepting how this is going.

"Bathroom's at the end. Left." The man instructed and he went into the hallway. I stood alone for a moment, wondering about my options before taking that as my cue to follow him. On the side, there's an open door leading to the very small kitchen which he went in. He didn't notice me as his back was facing me.

Unsurely, I turned my head to the side and saw another door away from the kitchen but near to the main door. The structure of the entire room must be very small because the hallway can barely fit two adults.

Shuffling to the white door and opening it, I inspected the bathroom. It was run down, but not too damage or stained and beaten down by time. It was certainly the same size as the kitchen, with the bath tub taking most space. The beige toilet with chocolate brown fluffy cover was placed next to the counter sink, which has a stool conveniently and a small table.

I noticed a mirror attached to the drawer and decide that yes, I am curious of how I look, despite knowing this would start the storm.

After placing my clothes on the table, I stood tippy toes on the stool and looked at my face.

I stared, and stared and stared andㅡ

Wonder is this how I look?

Wide golden eyes rimmed with brown peered at me, emitting a soft, translucent glow like fire in the hearth, and underneath lays small eyebags. Fringes lays on the side of my head, casting long shadows over my right eye. It was a shade of wheat that my hair takes, laying like a dying straws and framing my face like a young girl.

I was a child.

Suddenly, I felt more aware of what I am. I am quite scared, terrified, horrified, a rhapsody of messed-up emotions. Even if I was a male or female, I would freak out because I feel like I should know, not explore all this things that were kept untuck.

But I need to find out, to squelch this curious monster in me.

I gulped.

And with hands shaking, checked my lower area.

I sucked in a breathe.

I tried to regulate my breathing but to no avail. I could only be horrified. It suddenly felt like needles, thousands of them, were pricking me everywhere, my body a victim of paralysis, making me feel uncomfortable at the revelation of my gender.

Slowly, I removed my shaking hands from my pants and let them gripped the sink, growing paler like the perfect porcelain of purest bowls.

 _Calm down. Breathe. In and out. Stop and breathe because that will help you._

I inhaled and felt it rumbling deep in my chest. I looked down and focused on the drain, the sink, the tap, and I hope that everything will be okay. That I can handle this. That I can move on and not be freaked out.

That this bath can calm me from my breakdown.

I heard the pitter patters when my eyes were blurry.

・・・

The bath became a time when I pondered on my thoughts.

I questioned myself and the memories and knowledge I have in my previous life, whom will be conveniently called as Previous.

I didn't remembered anything about myself and my past, which was convenient since I have to start a new and clear life.

But now I remembered.

I had freaked out the moment my foot touched the surface of the water, resulting me to trip unceremoniously in it and splashing water everywhere because I didn't filled the bathtub with hot water but in cold water. The shock resulted in a flood of information in of my head.

Of my previous life (who will be conveniently called as Previous).

And what flooded in my mind was my two memories along with a knowledge compass and a moral map, and a subconscious (of Previous) to guide me.

I was thankful of the cold water because I'm more focused on my freezing body temperature instead of panicking. I don't know how long have I been sitting on the bathtub, thinking of my current predicament.

I can't believe that I was reincarnated. (or was it?)

It's... quite _surreal_ and everything around me feels like a walking living dream. I was supposed to have memoriesㅡall the memories from the Previousㅡbut what was left of Previous was the incident with the bullies, the meeting with Death before I was reincarnated, and the subconscious facts about the Previous.

Being reincarnated was like any other fanfics that the Previous likes to read and that thought made me paranoid because...

I don't know what I was being reincarnated to.

This fact is terrifying enough.

The Previous read books, fanfics, and novels; watched cartoons and movies, and they've known celebrities for their fame. Most of the reincarnation fanfics the Previous read consist of the main character knowing their situations as a baby because parents will call you a name you surely will know well or vise versa.

But me? I am in a child body with no knowledge of the universe I was reincarnated to.

And that's the truth.

I know this because I tried to do this. Tried to remember what was left of Previous.

Reincarnation is also a scary thing.

Because what else am I reincarnated for?

Paranoia isn't my best friend. So many things were overloading my brain capacity, they were all results of overreactive imaginations and they were lies. Many reasons were swirling in my head. What am I reincarnated for? Am I made for purpose? What was the use of the meeting with Death? Is it because that I'm not a human being but a fictional character made by an author to toy with?

I wanted to let out a derisive laugh. How fucking silly for me to think like that. That's why paranoia isn't my best friend. I loathe it and the way it could send me down into the most stupidest place.

And another problem is that it's also so frustrating to talk with Shimane.

He's a Japanese, yeah, it's now obvious because he has the average Japanese looks and his name is one (and I think I might be transported into a weird Japan animation world and that's the worse thing because it's an animation made by Japanese and how fucked up can it be?), but he is also trying hard to talk with me with his limited knowledge of English.

I spoke English when we first talk.

Yes, I speak English, the universal language that isn't fixated and is very complex with its many rules. English, the language most Japanese think that wasn't worth knowing anyway.

(I felt frustrated at Previous for not learning Japanese even though they are an 'otaku' and were pretty interested in the Japanese culture. Self proclaimed much. Also pretty petty of me for feeling frustrated at myself. But it's justified because right now, there's no way I'm actually the Previous but just a simple fragment.)

Why did I speak English? Why don't I have 'speaking and understanding Japanese' as a nice welcome to a new universe gift so that I can mingle well with a half-assed English-speaking Japanese teen? Doopey-diddle-doo-doo.

Everything's stupid. How I am almost accepting of my situation. How I became a child with no prior knowledge of the world I was reincarnated. How I became an androgynous that is sooㅡjust soo.

Yeah.

I am a boy, with a girly face.

* * *

 **TRANSLATION;;**

 **"貴様、" ー Motherfucker (kisama)**

 **"ガキ、大丈夫？串、やれが-" ー Kid, are you okay? Damn, why do I- (gaki, daijōbu? kuso, yarega-)**

 **"はぁ？エイゴ？マジけ？。。。えと、あ。Okay, well thenㅡ糞ㅡ" ー Ha? English? Seriously? ...Eh, um. Okay, well thenㅡdamn** **ㅡ (Hā? Eigo? Majike? ...Eto, ah. Okay, well thenㅡkusoㅡ)**

 **EDITED;; I'm sorry for the Japanese, I'm kinda rusty in it so any advices or help, I'll accept it! Also, the second Japanese, I got confused on the yarega. /Shot'ed**

 **It's pretty hard to write a character that is the main OC. Why the hell do they spend a lot of time doing some introspective character thinking? Uggh.**

* * *

 **Question: How do you think of this story? It's my first time after all! Criticism are accepted!**


	2. how to settle in

**Oh my God, thank you for the review, Aphidas! I admit that I did a few mistakes but now I have already revised them. I edited the spelling mistakes and for now I will be using past tense, since present tense doesn't suit with me at all!**

 **Shoutout to Aphidas because you're awesome!**

 **Also, I'm going to add something new. It's about the line breaker. If you see a thin line breaker, it indicates that it's a new day or month or whatever, but if you saw this ・・・, then it indicates a change of time in the same day.**

 **WARNING ;; Slight gender bashing, homophobia, as well as the stereotyping of the Japanese people.i f possible, please flame the OC.**

* * *

 _chapter two_

 _how to settle in_

* * *

Stepping into the fluffy white mat after draining the water in the bath tub, I stared at the swirling water even after when it was gone.

I sighed loudly, wet body trembling from the cool water.

I felt like just wanting to slowly disappear into nothing. I want everything that I thought before during the bath to fly over my head and never haunt me for not accepting the reality.

I can't bring myself to completely accept what has happened now that I was reincarnated.

I did not died a nice death.

I died in disgrace and regrets.

I remembered during the meeting of the Death, I hadn't really accepted that I've died, just merely acknowledging it and pushing it back to the corner of my brain.

But now, when it is clear to me like writings in the sand...

It's too much on my plate. I can't do anything to help myself except I have to just put all of the problem at the back of my mind because I don't have a definite solution.

It's unhealthy and not really helpful, but what can I do? Just suck it up because that's what everyone in my place would do?

Mentally wincing at my stupid rant, I cringed at my thoughts. _C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, just stop it._

I exhale deeply, filling my lungs with life.

Then release it all out slowly as if I was intoxicated with a drug.

It's okay, I thought to myself, squeezing my hands and feeling the smoothness a child could have, nodding my head along, it's okay, just go along with the flow and accept. Remember, accept whatever comes your way.

I nodded to myself. That will be the rule in survival to this world.

I stepped on the stool, using my weight to move the stool and grab the towel from its rack. Drying and then wrapping it around myself, I went to move the stool in front of the sink to get my toothbrush (it's obvious the small and pink Hello Kitty toothbrush is mine) and toothpaste. Applying bean-sized paste on the toothbrush, I glued my eyes on the mirror as I began to brush my teeth.

Golden eyes peered at me. Wide and doe like, with long eyelashes framing delicately and softly fluttering close against ashy patches of sleep deprivation, before the pair of robs popped out.

I am a boy, but I looked like a girl.

And then there's something bitter tugging into my conscience. If I were a boy who looked like a girl, what will become of me? Will I be the cliché gay person because of how I looked? The bishōnen who was the exact portrayal in those weird yaoi manga? Was I a trans before?

Suddenly feeling irked by my reflection, I focused on the foams painted in light pinkish red and I spat them out in the sink like I was disgusted with the idea of the of being androgynous.

Of course I would hate my look. I was an androgynous, a feminine looking boy! What else could be worse than that? Why would I get feminity when clearly I am a boy?

I paused, thoughts now reeling back to what I had thought before. Am I now a boy? Am I accepting the idea of being a boy?

I tapped my finger against the edge of the sink. I hesitated about being a girl, because if I am living in Japan, then how sexist was Japan? I heard that during sexual intercourse, Japanese men tend to do all the job while the women had to lay down like a dead tuna. Also, as a boy, I would turn out... like what the Previous knew about Japanese boys.

Sad, lonely, depressive, borderline suicidal and pathetic.

I frowned at my own thoughts, or were they my thoughts? I seemed to be able to distinguished which thought was mine and which was just subconscious fact coming in and out like an unwanted presence.

Really, the Previous was such a little shit.

Of course they were, just look at how they were affecting me. It was a disease. I was the Previous, but not entirely. I had a personality of my own now that I didn't get a clear vision of who the Previous was.

The way the Previous thought of the Japanese society was downright stereotyping. It was clear that this Previous didn't went to Japan if they had this kind of thinking. There is now a big change to the Japanese society. Whatever the Japanese were like what the Previous thought was now in the past.

 _So,_ I thought again, _if I were a girl..._

I internally felt downright vacantly amused with the idea. Do I have to wear cute clothes? Hair clips? Make-up? I felt myself shivering at the mention of comestics.

But then again, being a girl could be kinda funㅡI don't even want to know where that thought came from, but I like to just entertain it for a while. I mean, I always saw the 'please notice me, senpai' going in the media, and wearing skirts. Gosh. Tell me about the skirts fun.

The more I ponder, the more this gender topic was harder to think about. Being a girl somehow wounded a part of me, I can't identify it, but it was like some kind of stab against morals while humoring me. Also, being a boy made me wonder if I have to be that bishōnen guy that all girls wanted for straight relationship or some messed-up fantasy.

I shivered. _I'll just accept being neutral..._

The idea didn't sound too bad. I think I could just go with it.

I made sure to check my toothbrush for any stubborn paste and rinsed my mouth and the sink free from any foam.

Drying myself again, I laid the towel over the rank and began to dress myself from the clothes on the small table. The stool wobbled under my movements but I didn't pay any mind to it as I tried to put on a good ol' shorts and later some t-shirt that looks like a dress on my short structure. On the single shelf below the mirror cabinet, I grabbed a powder and rubbed it over my face and arms.

Placing it back to its place I glanced at my reflection. In the mirror, I can see the baggy plain t-shirt that says sweather weather in English and myself. I sighed, stepping down from the stool and glancing at the cover seat of the toilet where my previous clothes remained.

It was dirty, filthy and painted in dried blood, the iron smell hitting my nose faintly. It was a plain white dress and black shorts and I felt uncomfortable that the whole time I was wearing those kind of clothes.

(At least Shimane respects my privacy.)

The fact that those clothes were bloody while my body was free from any injuries had me confused, but later, I thought that that blood wasn't mine but someone else.

I shivered at the thought, not wanting to think more about my situation before I woke up in Shimane's room.

I grabbed the dirty clothes, not knowing where to put them when there's no hamper in sight. I'll hope that I'll managed to ask Shimane about it. If I can, at least.

The moment I went out of the bathroom, Shimane poked his head out of the kitchen, blank eyes unblinking. "You're in time for dinner. Just wait for a moment." And just like that, he popped his head back to the kitchen.

With the foul-smelling clothes still in my arms, I stared at the spot where his head had been, my tiny hand fiddling with the dirty clothes absentmindedly. After a moment of staring into black space, I pursed my lips and mentally sighed, feeling drained with the entire ordeal.

The hallway is deadly silent and it made me feel claustrophobic because I'm feeling so tiny tiny tiny and God this is awful.

A huff escaped from my lips.

Hey, just accept it. I repeated those word to myself like it was a mantra to save me from the dark.

After releasing a good amount of paranoia through my breathing technique, I entered the small living room, my eyes immediately drawn to the plain room. I didn't get a chance to explore the room with my eyes when I was bedridden because I was always spending time staring at the ceiling.

(They were the good times because I was disattached from the truth and I didn't take the time to be bothered with it.)

On the right corner was a stack of two neatly folded futons. Next to them was a small bookshelf filled with mangas. There was a large window-to-ceiling glass door that leads to the balcony, where the clothes are hanged, and on the left corner was a small TV stand to support the flat screen TV which was airing some Korean drama, with a small pot of artificial lavenders by its side. Nearest to the doorway was a desk with a laptop and bag on it, a hamper below it filled with clothes.

It was a typical small Japanese room in an apartment. Made for one tenant.

After putting the dirty clothes in the hamper, I walked in further and from the island, I watched Shimane who was cooking up some food on a pan, humming a tune.

He's cooking, I realized and immediately felt bad and guilty for him. He was a middle school teen who must have important things else to do, and I need to do something because I'm imposing him. But I'm pretty terrified of opening my mouth because I felt awkward, embarrassed, withdrawn with dealing this sudden dilemma.

(More like, I can't handle actually speaking up when my voice sounds so different.)

Should I help him? Should I? (Or should I not?) I'm feeling unsure. I don't know if I should ask.

I shook my head furiously in tandem to the fast beating of my heart. Stop it, don't be so panicky. I clenched my clammy hands into fists and controlled my breathing. After thinking my problem through, I sighed, nodding my head slowly as determination came creeping in my veins, not that strong but enough for me to stand my ground. I stood up straight, deciding to speak because the sooner, the better.

"Should I help with setting the table?"

Great, my voice didn't come out too squeaky. I mentally sighed in relief.

"あ." Shimane looked up after placing the meal on the serving plate, its tantalizing scent tempting me for a moment. "大丈夫ㅡ" Realizing he spoke in Japanese, he switched to speaking in English. "The... cutleries were on the island. I'll carry the dishes."

On the one end of the island were the stacked cutleries for two people and a jar of water with glass cups. I nodded at him and he turned away to prep the serving food. I gained a bit of confidence with that, faint and dwindling like a little flame of the candle.

So one by one, I carried them to the low table in the middle of the room and arranged them appropriately on the for two people. After finishing, I briefly noted that there are spoons and forks in place of chopsticks and no small rice bowls in sight.

Shimane arrived just as I was about to sit in a seiza position (after a lot of pondering on the Japanese etiquettes) and I blinked at the cuisines he placed on the center space I left for the dishes. He took his seat across from me and I thought about how strange this felt, never taking my eyes off the food.

There was a sense of normalcy waffling through me, intertwining its warm threads together inside me pleasantly and welcoming me in with a delicious smell.

I inhaled slowly, mildly amazed at how such a meal was able to affect me.

Noticing my gaze at the food, he explained, stumbling over his words, "You look... foㅡforeiㅡ? I meanㅡdifferent, not in a bad way... but different from me, you know? I don't have enough in... ingredients for soba or anything that would suit different people's taste so I cook some food everyone would know."

Fried rice with peas and small cubes of carrots, along with crispy fried chicken legs that were glossy with a golden honey sheen, hotdogs and two plates of salad with Caesar dressing.

I gave him a small, grateful smile, feeling weirdly warm that a young teen was cooking something okay while considering my taste. If he made sushi, I'm sure that its organic taste will not sit well with me. Even when I never tasted it, my taste buds were tingling with remnants of bitterness. "Thank you." I mummered softly, bowing my head slightly in the form of Japanese gratitude.

He nodded, averting his dull eyes. "Eh, don't sweat it." I watched him getting the food carefully and how after he's done, bowing his head and mouthing something with eyes closed before he opened them, digging into his plate elegantly.

It's a good thing all of the dishes comes in large servings because I'm feeling a bit hungry right now. I felt awkward and shy that I would be eating someone's cooking, someone who had been taking care of me for five days without complaints, but then ignoring the dish would waste all his efforts and it also doesn't sit well with me.

I shook my head to reprimand myself. _You're making this difficult if you think of both ways of a problem that made you uncomfortable. Stop and just accept what was given to you._

Slowly and gently, I scooped the fried rice and grabbed three hotdogs and a chicken, taking the salad after Shimane conquered the other plate.

Occasionally, I would glanced at the Korean drama. I couldn't understand a word but it was funny and exactly cliché but in a deep sophisticated way Koreans were known for. The clinking of the metal cutleries and the soft sounds from the TV were filling in the silence.

I wasn't feeling that much awkward but a bit self-conscious because Shimane was acting like this was very normal. Like acquaintances sharing a table while being in their own world. He didn't even glance at me repetitively nor did he even stare at me for too long, and he didn't even stop eating except for drinking water or watching the drama.

His presence didn't impose me. His occasional laughters and soft smiles for the drama were welcoming me in to this little room and I could only watched him do those simple normalcy stuff.

He managed to make everything feel normal and I can't help but be more grateful that he was so unfazed that a stranger was eating his cooking.

"Hey." Shimane said during the meal after changing the channel to some anime, his voice bleak but rising in intonation. I didn't look up at him from my food but stopped using my utensils to give him the sign that I'm listening. "I was thinking of spending time with you for, y'know, so that you can have a new start."

 _So you can have a new start._

I felt the weight of the words crashing on me. My heart fell to my stomach and the bile began to rush upwards but I swallowed it down.

Why is that those words had a large effect on me? Isn't that great that I would be settling in this world with an aide, not lost and feeling scared and lonely that I was alive after dying so humiliating? The thought of starting new scared me, petrified me to my deepest core.

This situation, I didn't ask for it.

I didn't ask for dying. I didn't ask for being reincarnated. I didn't ask for everything here.

I had completely understand my situation with Death. I knew that I died and that it would bring me to Hell and I understand that, because that's how it goes, right?

But it sending me here? In a new body? For what?

Was there a task for me? Is it a trial for a lesson I should learn, a judgement impending to me? Was it that there was something about me in the Previous that made me here?

Sure, the Previous was malcontent with what life had to offer, looking so blank and deary of the future ahead of them, also not having anything to offer and nothing to be offered to them. But they could have so much more with this new life and that's what ㅡ

Jostling at the sudden thought, I realized with the awe of the revelation that maybe... perhaps... I could have the things I never had in the Previous.

All my memories were gone except that bullies and meeting with Death, the shock and the wild desperation it left me. I know subconsciously about my Previous because even if I didn't remember the memories, there will be echoes from my soul that is screaming at me, screaming for the ache of someone I was before.

The thought of my reincarnation as a blessing in a disguise of a curse never occured to me, because God, my mind was reeling from the incredulous happiness buzzing alive through me.

I could enjoy everything that I lost in this new life, and isn't that just wonderful?

I could have friends that I deprived myself of, I could enjoy life more than the times of solitary I shrouded myself, I could actually show myself that I kept locked in the darkest corners due to (in)security.

I restrained myself from actually feeling giddy. But it was impossible because damn Hell if I'm just going to dismiss it.

 _Oh my God,_ I thought while giggling mentally. _Oh my God._

I never had felt this much appreciation for myself. I really could have a chance at this life. I could have everything that I deprived myself in. For once, something good happened to me after this whole angsty stuff. But now, but now ―

I could have everything.

I could take a hand at being changed.

Oh my God, this too ridiculous. All those angsty road I went through looked so small because suddenly I was seeing something big, bigger than everything. It was something that was given to me and finally I understand somewhere deep to the roots of my heart and soul that I can get a chance for the ones I missed.

This whole loads of feeling was overwhelming me, and it was something I don't want to let go. I never felt something so precious than this.

The urge to laugh, to cry, to scream out of mad joy was killing me.

 _Calm down, calm down, calm down_. Regaining myself, I gave a soft smile at Shimane. "Yeah. That's good."

If I didn't actually accept my situation, if I didn't stumble over the fact that my reincarnation could be the best damn thing to happen to me, I would have internally lamented and drown myself in my depression.

But no, I finally see something, saw a whole new load of plethora of the finest taste that life could offer to me.

Shimane watched me, dark eyes widened ever so slightly in a way that made me just want to smile more (as well as realizing that I am so stupid, acting so happy all of the sudden), before shrugging nonchalantly. "You'll help me with drying the plates, is that okay?"

Not trusting my voice to speak, I nodded, keeping in my mind about my attitude issues.

Lol.

・・・

Later on, the entire meal went on silently, no exchanges between us, only the clinking of the forks and spoons and the sounds from the television, now airing some new anime, where this lovely girl, fiery as the fire and yet gentle like a fleeting dream, was tutoring a delinquent girl, thus the blooming of their friendship.

When we're finished with the meal, Shimane was carrying the stacks of plates while I was tasked with holding two cups. During his washing away of the stubborn dirts from the plates, he let me get the stool from the bathroom.

The close proximity when we work in the kitchen was okay and it reminded me of the times where I used to clean my own dishes in the past, silent and peaceful. I was either alone in a world of solitary or angsting, pleasant ones drifting me in a lone lane of river while the horrible one shrouded me in self-loathing.

And now, this is the time for some self-introspective thought.

So I was reincarnated.

 _Okay_. Mental giddy nod. _Okay, then._

I have some opinions of this reincarnation. At first, reincarnation is just a foolish wish of mere humans like us because they were so ungrateful and can't get enough with just one life.

Reincarnation was just a mere wish of most humans that could never happen.

Reincarnation is not real.

But here I am.

Alive, breathing, _living ㅡ a second chance_.

I can't believe this is happening.

I smiled softly, unconsciously grabbing the wet plate from Shimane and drying it spotlessly before putting it in a rack.

My thoughts were interrupted when light conversations were made over washing dishes, Shimane telling some of his recollections of what happened.

Shimane's voice was a bit slurry, lack from sleep perhaps, and quiet like the world outside. He hesitated from using words he didn't have a precise meaning of, but the way he spoke was fleeting like a dream and lost, stumbling over memories over memories.

He hummed, nodding his head to a beat with a small twinkle and curve to his eyes. "... because I somehow got sukiyaki all over my shirt, which attracts the lost dogs of Grandma, I would aways get free croquettes from her every weekdays as a token of gratitude."

I nodded, briefly noting that such a boring teen have little interesting things popping in his life. He looks like the guy who would rather spend his life with some digital waifu and a dark room rather than go for a walk in a town and get lost in alleyways.

Shimane laughed airily, throwing his head back. "I might not look like it, but I really like helping people."

Hearing those words made me stared up at him, feeling the words were sucking me dry of life. I continue to breathe calmly, not at least physically affected but my mind was running on blank fire.

Oh.

Shimane continued, humming gently with a soft look to his eyes. "I believe people is worth helping. It's hard to explain it, but I just want to help them with no other motive except, 'hey, I wanna save you all because you're worth it'. I might be taking all the chances to show that to everyone."

Oh.

He sniffed, schooling an irritated look but his tone was fond and happy. Pure joy radiated from the blank eyes and something in me stirred. "Even if some people were like, 'why' and 'don't try to help me, go away', I will say, 'bro, you need a help, Imma give you help'."

I blinked, staring at him for a time being, unconsciously doing my job. I felt like I've emphasized with him but I find his joy ridiculously stupid and how he wants to help even more so. This feeling overwhelmed me. It was bitter that such a young teen already was matured, wishing to help people.

I wanted to discourage him, to let him know that don't bother yourself with them, that you'll gain nothing from it. There's a sense for dread but then I recognized whom I am meant to be.

I was just a child right now.

Then I threw him a smile, a small quirk at the corner of my lips, with furrowed eyebrows, eyes displaying a lot of words too shy for the world. A paranormal view of the sufferings I went through played back in my mind and I felt like a veteran, worn down, bitten, and looking at the world with a resigned look.

How... nostalgic.

Shimane's words actually reminded me of how I became bullied.

I was just a normal person, you see. I scored myself good to get into that nice school since it was a battlefield for grades and social standing. It was a good school, well known for its scholarships and all that gizz gazz. I remembered trying to aim for a scholarship so that I wouldn't pay for my school fees.

Other than that, I wasn't particularly interesting, just your average person with nothing to give you except the chill and the bore of life. I went through the school days with a daydreaming and silent look, diligence to study well, and noticing.

Then ㅡ someone was in trouble.

They were bullied by some cool kids, sneering words hitting through their weak spots like arrows on fire, burning them in shame and self-agony, their face twisted as more thoughts filled their head, so fast and loud for them to handle it.

And well ㅡ

I defended them.

Instincts and gut feeling were screaming at me to just go and help them but I don't want to do it, you know. I'm a pretty cool person in the classroom. Not the cool like 'well known', cool for the 'not on your bad side and pretty much chill' thing. I don't want to have a death wish with the cool kids. It was because of some cliché and shady reasons they were infamous for their social title.

But I did it, because if I ignore someone being bullied, I would feel regret and that would be a memory of penance and I just couldn't forgive myself. I remembered the feeling of when everytime I think of that scenario, I would desperately wished to help them instead of leaving them by.

So I defended them. Very calm and deadly, the way I talked back to the cool kids, I think, and isn't that cool of me? Little praise sprouted in my head and I can't help this light feeling filtering through me.

I did good, I thought to myself at that time and I accepted that giddy feeling of happiness, feeling proud like how you got medals and certificates and your parents have to walked up to the stage to held out for you.

Isn't that a good feeling?

But...

Imagine to my surprise when the bullied kid turned against me and joined with the cool kids in spewing bad shits about me, thus turning the battle one sided because I was dumbfounded, losing the will go on now that the person I was defending was turning against my kind help.

It attracted a whole lot of attention since the bullying occured on the hallways, students wanting to flock with the cool kids because of some petty reasons that I want to bash their head in. Teachers weren't there, they were only particular with your grades because if you're good in their subject, they would get a pay check raise, no?

There was lost echoes around me, the noise a white silence and I just couldn't help the demonic words plaguing me, all of my flaws thrown in my face, my mistake of being alive, and how laughter came in a form of roaring waves ready to drown me.

Humming emptily, I thought back. And I was bullied for how long?

Throughout highschool.

Bitter nostalgia, I noted, blinking something away from my eyes.

I sighed through my nose.

・・・

After that, Shimane handed me some used lesson books on katakana, hiragana and kanji writing, empty notebooks and writing utensils.

I was bothered by how there were instructions on how to actually, correctly and properly write the letters. Annoying and useless, because no matter how much I follow the steps, my writing came off a bit wobbly and chicken scratch.

Shimane helped me with some of the words. He translated the transliteration of the words in English and reciting them back at me. I was grateful for his help.

During the lesson, Shimane had looked at me and blinked. Repeatedly. "The house's free for ya. You can stay, really."

I blinked. "Excuse me?"

He shrugged. "You can stay here."

You don't know how confused and touched and somewhat out of the world I was feeling right now after that.

I was confused that why he would let me stay but I wouldn't dwell on that. I was touched because he just somewhat blurted that and and how he looked too awkward for his own good. There's something about him that made me want to pinch his cheeks and coo. Maybe because of how he wanted to help people? I don't know, but this affection is too cute for me to handle.

And I felt out of the world because is this really happening? It was just like a deadpan feeling, you get me?

However, Japanese people are disciplined and they aim to disciplined the young, so when I gave my consent he gave me morning task of sweeping the floor, moping the table and watering the cactus outside in the balcony.

Not that I mind, I was looking forward to cleaning the entirety of this stuffy room.

After watching some game show (which were amusing and bizzare but unique in a way), Shimane said it's bed time and he lifted the low table up to the wall, placed both futons side by side on the space in the living room.

It's weird seeing a teen using a futon with hearts on it. Mine's was just a normal futon with dots.

Sleeping together was cold and very can be very awkward if you think that much. The AC was on and set on a albeit high temperature, giving Shimane a run for his money. Shimane had turned the TV and the lights off and was staring into the ceiling before immediately sleeping flat on his back, snoring softly.

Frequently, I flickered my gaze to him and to the ceiling, wondering aimlessly through the throngs of building apathy.

The night was peaceful. The moon's light softly filtered in the living room through the curtains. I couldn't hear any sound except for Shimane's snoring.

The silence was the time when the thoughts became loud for the world to scream.

General thoughts of the world suddenly turn into some wicked sort of self wanderings. My heart speed up as each thoughts roam freely in my mind, growing louder until it became a shrieking mess that drags me down into deafening silence.

I'm okay, I thought to myself, reminding myself of my purpose now that I'm alive, I will be okay.

I fumbled my hand into my blanket and the time passed by slowly, until the darkness I saw shallowed me.

* * *

I think, my day started with a bang.

That morning wasn't anything spectacular for a spending time that Shimane brought in the dinner before. We both woke up, cleaned ourselves, and got dressed into fresh clothes before Shimane washed the dirty clothes and then hanged them outside on the balcony. After that he made breakfast consisting of bread and cornbeef while I'm already done with sweeping and mopping the floor the old style way and watering the cute cactus outside.

We ate silently, the TV on airing some Justice League movie in this weird dub (I cringed at the Japanese voice of Batman). Then we washed the dishes and went off to do our stuff.

Nothing happened. It's like this is pretty much normal, two occupants, a teen and a child, sitting silently off in their own world.

Apparently, Shimane had no school since it was summer vacation.

Then, the main door was banged open.

I jerked my head at the reverberating sound, staring off when there seems to be silence.

Shimane cursed loudly in Japanese, shooting up to his feet from his little cocoon of futon and a laptop showing the movie _Life of Pi._

Rapid footsteps echoed loudly and suddenly in the doorway I saw a male with messy blond bed hair and popping sharp blue eyes that matched the prince look he must be going for. He held on tight to the doorframe, smirking with a grin to his eyes.

Then the image was ruined when he squealed.

 _Loudly._

Like a girl.

I was left staring at him like he was Godzilla.

"Shimaneeeeeee!"

Shimane blinked and then sniffed at the blond, giving him a stink eye before returning back to his cocoon of futon. He spoke something in Japanese and the blond responded something in a very loud, obnoxious way, whining every now and then.

Despite the exasperated tone in Shimane and the excited one from the blond, they were talking with familiarity since Shimane's didn't do much about the door being banged once to be open.

I was left sitting there, just staring at them both. Their Japanese was so fast I thought they were rapping. I shrugged them and my awkwardness off, doing my hiragana lessons on the low table because if there is something going on and Shimane is pretty okay with it, then I'll just let it be.

Then adruptly, I was pulled from my work and staring straight into blue narrowed eyes that were analyzing me.

I stared back with wide surprised eyes. What happened? One moment I was doing my work, the second I was turned around and facing this dude.

Then he did something. He cooed in Japanese while making those annoying baby noises, pulling on my cheeks and squeezing them together so that I resembled to some fish.

What the heck?

I immediately held on to his wrists to stop him from hurting my cheeks further but it only made the blond cooed loudly, a dreamy look appearing on his face with sparkles and bubbles.

I was horrified. I never wanted this to happened. Why is this happening?

No matter what I did to remove his hands from my cheeks, he would only cooed and gave me those kissy looking face, making some baby noises that shrieked loudly into my ears like a banshee.

Shimane said something (why aren't you helping me? I mentally shrieked at him) and the blond blinked at him, before he glanced at me and said something in a questioning tone. Shimane must've said something quite shocking because the blond yelled adruptly. Then some rash talking and suddenly I was pulled into a hug, fake sobs penetrating through my ears.

What the heck?

Just as fast as I was pulled into a hug, I was suddenly pushed away and the blond teen was staring down at me with some kind of determination.

"You," he spoke in English. I blinked, mildly impressed but confused still. I thought he wouldn't understand English since most Japanese find it useless. "are my daughter."

I did a double take. _Wait, what?_

Apparently Shimane got fed up with the bullshit. "What the hell?"

The blond turned to him with a look that could make mothers proud of, determination shining through with sparkles in his ocean eyes. "Shimane, she is my daughter."

I furiously blinked my eyes at him. Last time I check, I was reincarnated and I have a little guy down there. I was confused, even doning a look right on my face. I'm a guy, hello?

Oh wait, I was having a girly face. No, I was neutral. Now I felt uncomfortable in this body, fidgeting under the blond's hold.

Shimane sassily quirked an eyebrow, moving in his cloak of futon to make himself look like some homeless person. "I remember how idiotic you were. Just because Japan had thirteen as their age of consent doesn't mean you can screw around. Besides, you're a male."

At Shimane's words, I can't help but wonder why was Shimane reduced to this state of idiocy. I thought he was smarter than that, or maybe his blond friend had did the unspeakable which Shimane had mentioned. Also, Japan seriously had their age of consent at thirteen?

Now I felt more petrified at this blond guy. Japanese people weren't also used to affectionate gestures, but maybe he's a foreigner? It's weird to actually see one when the only blonds were yankee.

The blond yelled indignantly, anger taking hold of him. "Shimane! I can't believe you would deprive me of a child."

I was shocked at those words.

What is going on? What are they doing? What is this even?

Shimane was outright disgusted, even going as far as falling away from us. "What the fuck, man?"

The blond sniffed and posed his head in a way that made his crying effect even more better, with his head lowered to my collarbone and an arm covering his lower part of face. "Shimane, this beautiful girl here, she is my daughter." He sniffed again, rubbing his nose with his index finger. "How can one be as beautiful as me? The only reason is, she is me. No other answer is acceptable. Even having sex with you isn't acceptable."

I stared down at him blankly.

 _Dude._

 _What is wrong with you?_

Shimane voiced out my thought exactly, his face a perfect dictionary example of exasperation. "What's wrong with you?"

The blond flippantly flipped his hair, the strands hitting me in the face. "Nothing. I can't help but be swayed by such a beautiful girl." He took hold of my small hand and kissed it on the knuckles.

I stared at him with wide jaw, mortified at the change of attitude and the display. He just... did he just kiss my knuckles?

The only teen with black hair deadpanned and flipped his phone open, pressing the buttons. "I'm reporting you to the police for pedophilia." The phone ringed once and he answered it before putting it on his ear. "Yes, hello. I'm here to report someone for pedophilia. Yes, it was ㅡ"

The blond pushed me away harshly to jumped on him and he shrieked, falling over and the phone in his hand was taken and the call ended.

I can't believe what had happened the moment I hit my head against the wall.

One is that Shimane had actually called the police and shrieked and two, the blond is starting to do some weird gay porn, pinning the black haired teen with his wrists above and cooed something in Japanese.

I blinked and did all my best to actually focus on the hiragana in front of me, ignoring the small flame of disgust at the sight of two males doing something weird while I'm here with a child body tortured to hear the sounds they would be making. Suddenly the words in the book seems to make sense.

There were banging movements, loud gasps and yells and some chuckling.

...Then the movements were soft and there some hushed speaking.

I continued to finish through my hiragana book, my pencil scratching against the paper. I can't believe this is happening, my heart was rapidly beating against my chest and my disgust kept on growing.

 _Stop, stop it. What's wrong when homosexual people doing some affectionate things together?_

 _Nothing, when they seemed to be doing it when a child is in the room._

 _Stop it._ I admonished myself, feeling anger for whatever I thought. I should accept people regardless of their sexuality.

Then, I was pulled away from my workbook and up in someone's arm. Instinctually I wrapped my arms around their neck for support in case I fell over. I settled down with the one of their arm around me and below me, like I was a koala holding on a tree.

Someone sighed from across me, tired and flushed. "Are you the devil?" I turned to look at Shimane who stood up, ruffling his hair into more mess like a bird's nest.

The blond, the person who is now carrying me, flicked his hair, its strands hitting me in the face like small whips. I winced. "My daughter needs the best things! Look at the rags you gave her! What bullshitoes!"

I'm mildly impressed at the cuss and creativity.

There was a pause, in which Shimane took a glance at me before shrugging nonchalantly. "Pretty normal, I guess?"

The blond dramatically gasped in shock. "Shimane! You are watching too much drama!" Then he scrunched his face in a thinking mode, lowering his voice in stage whisper. "I can't believe this. To think he went as far as to dress my daughter in his shirt. Does he miss me that much?"

Shimane was exasperated, squinting his eyes at him. "Actually, what the fuck?"

The blond sniffed, throwing in a glare. "Don't cuss."

"Butㅡ"

"I said, hush." He shushed the black haired teen off, who only ignored it and went around us and the table to get to the closet. The blond turned around to face him and smiled bright.

"Shimane, prepare some money. We gotta get going." He declared when the other teen was checking his clothes in his small closet.

The black haired teen gave him a _'really?'_ kind of look. Lowering his head down and flipping a hand over like he was carrying stack of plates in one palm. He gave the blond stink eyes.

The blond grinned as bright as how Shimane is with his _'really?'_ look. "We're spending bonding time in the town centre of Namimori as a family. Good thing I brought my motorcycle." He winked at the sighing teen.

I noted the name away. Namimori, sounds Japanese.

Also, I glanced at the blond, he has a motorbike? Japanese law allows youngster to ride a motorbike?

"Do I have a say in this?" Shimane sighed tiredly, raising an eyebrow.

"Nope!" The blond cheerfully yelled, sparkling in contrast to Shimane's dull aura.

"I thought so as well." He sighed again and began to remove his clothes after picking the casual clothes randomly and placing them on the island.

The blond whistled, smiling in his voice. "I somehow can't believe you're toned. Girls will be killing for you."

True to that, I agreed. Shimane was lean and toned, strong muscles and abs rippling in his movements. There's a black dragon tattoo on his left chest and curling around his arm. When he turned around to get the clothes on the island, there was a monochromatic beautiful yet mechanic wings tattoo on his back.

I nodded appreciatively. Talk about some nice tattoos.

After he was done, he turned around and took his wallet and keys from the closet before stuffing it into the pocket of his pants.

"Let's go." He declared, walking off to get his phone and into the hallway while we trailed after him.

The blond beamed as we exited the apartment room before he looked at me with stars in his eyes. "Call me Ukyo-mama!"

Shimane, after locking the door and muttering, sighed once more. "Well, let's go and buy some nice stuff."

* * *

 **TRANSLATION;;**

 **"あ." ー Oh. (a.)**

 **"大丈夫ㅡ" ー (It's) Fine. (daijōbu)**

 **Long chapter, I know. This chapter used to be 4k words but before publishing this, I thought, 'who wants to read some character development to which the author can't do cuz she on her way to fifteen?' So I changed some stuff.**

 **In my place, internet isn't working well for a last year or two, so money goes flying for load and I'm using mobile data at the early 4AM.**

 **I hope I expressed the character all right. I tried to show that, even if they were bullied, they were passive aggressive and somewhat passionate, and pretty much the chill.**

* * *

 **Question: What do you think of our Ukyo and Shimane? As well as the kid? I hope my characterizing is good on them 'cuz they're confusing as eff.**


	3. he's too adorable and cute

**I think my current inspiration for the OC is Beelzebub (Oga Tatsumi), Detective Conan (Kaitou Kid), and Owari no Seraph (Hyakuya Mikaela). Bro, why no one told me about these godsends. Now I will have hard time trying to correctly say Miharu's name (Hīragu Miharu of Owari no Seraph). /lol'ed**

 **EDITED;; Spelling mistakes.**

* * *

 _chapter three_

 _he's too adorable and cute_

* * *

The district that Shimane was living in was abandoned.

I was shocked, wide eyes straining to see what more of what it's like to live in Japan, its geography, culture and such.

I was expecting a quiet district like how Japanese depicted theirs to be, everyone softly greeting each other when they pass by on the narrow street. It would be green and perfect, the nature appreciated with the leaves shining bright green and rustling with the crisp and cool air, small noise filtering through and adding the sereneful aura.

But instead, Shimane lived on the fifth floor of some rundown danchi, electricity and water still running, while the other buildings were eerily quiet, not a single sound penetrating though the surrounding except the boisterousness of Ukyo.

Honestly, I was terrified that Shimane found me bloody on his door―which also has few stained spots that were most likely blood―and in an abandoned area, but I held it down and tried my best to be neutral about this, because going into conclusions isn't the smartest of the move.

We went down the stairs and abandoned the apartment, now meeting Ukyo's motorbike, which is, I'm slightly impressed by the size and style from afar, only to turn it into dumbstruck when I finally can see the motorbike closer.

Holy Molly.

I gaped at the super bike, ignoring how Ukyo was yapping my ears off and how bland Shimane is, talking about who will pay for gasoline.

How the heck did Ukyo got Ducati 1299 Panigale R?!

The sleek bright red super racing motorbike was a freaking sight to behold. I was surprised that I was able to contain all of my bouncing happiness and not ending all of my monologue in exclamations and all that. I could have mistaken it as Ducati 1199 but oh my fucking God, how could I be fooled when there's this majestic king here?

The tires, which is Pirelli Diablo Supercorsa SP by the way, could power at 205 hp at 11,500 rpm with the fuel capacity of 4.5 gallons. The base version also retains front forks by Marzocchi and Sachs shock absorber. The S variant has new semi-active Öhlins Smart EC suspension that can be switched between different driving modes to match road conditions. I could also see the entire range is now equipped with new generation of electronics, including a new IMU, racing ABS and anti-wheelie. Also! the wheelbase is 1442 mm thanks to new steering geometry.

And― _and― **and―!**_

Gah! I bet my heart must've died because the God damn good of a super bike is here in front of me!

Shimane snorted when he noticed the bike. "But still, why the hell did you brought this over? I hate it."

 _Dude,_ I stared at Shimane like he got two heads, _what's wrong with you?_ I also wanted to slap Shimane because don't ruin this dream!

"I'll bring it everyday then," Ukyo laughed merrily to jeer Shimane's fate, jostling me in my stupor by the force of his laughter.

I internally sighed in relief. _Thank God._

・・・

There's something wonderful about feeling the air whipping around you.

Even though Ukyo is being careful enough not to drive that fast (to which Shimane complained that it is still fast) so that I wouldn't reel back from the force and get into something worst that might well result me getting into the hospital, I could still feel the cool air around me, giving me the delightful shivers.

The cool and crisp air was wonderful, which was a vast difference from the pitiful air from the AC in Shimane's room.

I breathe into life and felt that I could enjoy this forever.

And this is wonderful about the air on me on the super highway to Namimori. I'm breathing life, I'm living with it and it felt as alive as I am.

There was a huge silly grin on my face when I realized the little joys in nature: the force of the wind to reckon with, the beautiful view on the sidelines, the vastness of the blue sky with floating clouds who couldn't cover the grandeur of the sun, the happiness of riding this baby motor, and the fact that I'm experiencing this all with others.

This made me realized how stupid I was for wishing that I couldn't accept my death.

Experiencing this wild feeling strumming in my heart, the memories of how I died seemed to small compared to this wonderful life I'm living in. I had suffered for so long, bullied and tormented, and I've died a humiliating death, but now I'm alive and I relieved the bad memories away with this new life. It was so mind blowing at how fast I changed from the blank faced person to this smiling idiot. It felt like it was years when only a week passed by.

I remembered how I was brooding over my death in the bathroom, cursing myself and how this isn't what I wished for.

But now, I'm not that person.

I will be a person that will reach out to the star of happiness.

I will finally get one thing that I was missing before.

 _Happiness._

There was nothing wrong with the previous me, but there were little flaws that all humans also have. I used to be a quiet person, simply living through the day by daydreaming of a life I could never have, a person used to solitary and never giving life all that they got.

But here, I can be someone that I wish to be.

I can see how the chance at reincarnation isn't given to that many people. Many people didn't get a chance at having a reincarnation, and among them I bet that there are people who deserved this so much more because they had suffered a pain ten times the universe and they need a chance for a life they deserved.

But it was given to me. It recognized that I had suffered, and now, I am experiencing something so much worthy.

Have you ever felt so tired like you have been Atlas carrying the world, then there's a simple fleeting joy in life that made you realized that life is so much better than you give credits for, and when you looked around, you saw everything in a different view and you just felt too damn proud for that success because not many had achieve that?

 _Reincarnation,_ I let a wild grin spread over my lips, _is a damn blessing._

・・・

Town Center of Namimori is certainly impressive.

Buildings stood tall in their glory, its polished glass gleaming in the high morning sun, and many people talking in Japanese walked by us, looking casual and sophisticated, a whole lot of varieties among the throngs in this street.

The streets were crowded, but not crowded enough that you have to push and excuse your way through. It was what would you expect from when a little town decided to have a town center. For certain I thought it would be crowded like Tokyo but then Tokyo is a large city. It would be like comparing a beach ball to a sun.

Across the buildings was a huge mall which cars beeping, things of people waiting to pass though the buzzy streets, and the mall's granduer. Inside the mall was filled with cold air, security machines and guards, food stands, floors and all that gizz gazz a mall would have. Just a bit more clean and cosmopolitan styled, also quite unique with its design on the wall.

It was funny how the two teens realized that I was barefooted the moment my cold feet made contact with Ukyo's side while we were walking to our destination. He almost shrieked like a banshee and fell over the window glass banister to the floor below us.

Shimane managed to wand off the annoyed looks from other people and scolded Ukyo, only for the blond to whined that I was barefooted and that _"it was all his fault"_ to which Shimane retorted back in his native language and then they both got into a heated argument only for Ukyo to laughed it off and went to whatever place he had in mind.

Which is a department store just like what they had planned, although with a new set of reasons as to why they need to be in a department store, baby girl's clothing section. I was sure that it was because of the fact that I'm barefooted and looked too... girly, which tells that there's many things to dress me up in.

It was uncomfortable but okay. I can't help that I looked too girly and that I was a girl in their eyes. Too bad I have to deal with that. I'll come to accept with it.

However, things got ultimately weird when we got two teens who don't know what to do in a baby girl clothing section holding a barefooted baggy clothed kid.

Look at all the reactions we got from other moms in the department. It was ranging from shock to anger and to disturbed. I understand their feeling. It was shocking to see two teens with a child, and it was angering them to see how they were bickering in front of a child, and it was disturbing to see two male with a child.

I was amused at how the teens just shoved a hanger with a dress to my body (in Ukyo's case) before they deemed it perfect and good then dumped it on the shopping cart (in Shimane's case, also, he's the one to push the shopping cart while I'm standing in one, feeling real king bro).

The moment we got everything okay, I was out of the shipping cart, now walking with Ukyo's hand clutching mine as we went to the cashier counter. Shimane flipped a credit card out of his wallet (which briefly surprised me because he was living in an abandoned danchi but maybe it was his monthly allowance) and gave it to the pretty cashier, who swipped it and handed it back along with the clothes in the plastic bags. Shimane was also handed a long receipt to which he shrugged off and shoved it in his pocket.

Then we went to this cubicle for changing clothes.

It was like dreading for your turn for oral recitation of a certain subject. I was terrified at the image of someone older than me dressing me up. Even though it would be Ukyo or Shimane who I was familiar with, we weren't that close. Also, they had bought many of the girly clothes and wouldn't that be such a shame to have that many money wasted on?

Also, I wanted my privacy respected. The feeling of someone seeing me naked doesn't sit well with me because I'm conservative and all I can think of is just run for it, _runrunrun **RUN.**_

But fear plagued me as we walked and it was walking down to my death when I realized the levity of the situation.

I should do something.

But my lacking self-confidence to voice my thoughts out is rooting me down. I clenched and unclenched my other hand, hesitant due to some factors that comes with being bullied and a solitary person.

Fuck. My breathing was getting heavy as if I did labour, but goddamn my paranoia. I was scared to actually raise my voice to express what I need to goddamn do because of low self-confidence.

So when we both went closer to the dressing room,

 _(Go for it― **but aren't you scared?** ―go for it―i can't do this― **GOFORIT** )_

it took that much will power

 _( **Don't go** ―i need to go how can I not?―you need this― **youNEEDTHIS** ―)_

to get my hands off Ukyo's hold and grabbed the clothes from Shimane's hand before rushing in and locking the door behind me. With my back against the door, I panted heavily, the adrenaline of my decision pumping wildly under my skin.

Clenching my shaking fist tighter into the clothes it was holding, I let out a breathe and did some breathing exercise to get rid of the fear and adrenaline before glancing at the clothes along with the shoes wrapped in the bundle of clothes. I sighed and removed everything I was wearing into those brand new clothes.

I dressed myself in a stylish white t-shirt with stitches and some words and this jogger black 3/4 pants. The shoes were those black sneakers that you can slip your feet in easily with plain white socks. And thank God the underwear was okay, albeit girly with Hello Kitty on the front with the word _cutie_ on the back.

I looked at myself in the mirror at the back of the room, struck with the image of a blond boy wearing these stunning clothes and I shyly fingered with my hair. A light feeling blossomed in my chest when I find myself looking a bit too good in those clothes.

I shook my head to erase the thought. For goodness's sake, I was a boy, but I am now appreciating my good girly looks and gosh.

My blond hair, streaked with brown roots, were like those Emo or Scene puffy hair, though a bit toned down since my hair was not thick but smoothly thin. My eyes, golden irises rimmed with brown that was like a caramel-filled chocolate, were glowing like fire in the hearth. Then I have small nose and full pouty lips.

 _Gosh,_ I thought resignedly about my features, now understanding that I am a boy but will always be passed off as a girl, _I could be a crossdressing model._

There's many things wrong with that and the fact that I'm a boy with girly face isn't the greatest thing to be happy for. I could be insulted with degrading words.

It was like someone has repeatedly stabbed at whatever masculinity pride I have, but I remembered that I was neutral about my gender, but damn it, my body was that of a boy physically. I was a boy, I am a boy, and yet seeing this face was destroying any image of a boy.

 _But perhaps... if I could wait until puberty..._

Maybe, maybe it was because of my young age that I had this cute image. I briefly went back to the images of small children in the baby boy's department with shining slitted black eyes and soft hair mistaking them as girls.

 _No wonder why..._

Also, I really don't know what will happen to boys when they have puberty, but only by the fact that boys will have cracky voice due to their vocal chords maturing. I hope it will come early but sadly that's impossible.

 _Be patient,_ I thought to myself, nodding. _Puberty will come and it could get rid of this face._

When I went out, calm and holding my neatly folded previous clothes, Ukyo squealed and rushed forward to hug me while Shimane nodded approvingly from a good distance. I held into Ukyo's slender hand, marveling at the smoothness and also the callouses.

It was when we exited the departmemt store that Ukyo turned to Shimane with a apologetic look and said something. Shimane blinked before shaking his head with a sympathizing look and then giving a wave as if to placate whatever Ukyo was blabbering.

Ukyo beamed amd bent down on his knees, cooing and pinching my cheeks with no mercy. "So cute!" His eyes widened like he had sparked an idea and he looked up from his crouch to Shimane. "Hey, what's her name?"

Shimane languidly blinked his eye in a way that shows his non-existant knowledge of the topic at hand.

I blinked when they just noticed that they didn't know my name. I felt unsettled that I didn't have a name nor remembered my Previous name, but oh well, maybe I can think of one considering I didn't know my Previous name.

Silence ensured.

Then with a threateningly look, the blonde stared right up to the stoic black-haired teen, piercing blue eyes like sharpened daggers in the night. "What the hell? I am so gonna kill you."

Shimane tried to placate the angry blond by putting his hands up in defeat. "Calm down," he whispered harshly, glancing around with his eyes for the crowds who noticed their actions. He scrunched his nose up in a delinquent way, lips jutted out. "Okay, what the heck?"

The blond huffed and stood up to his tall height, towering over the black haired teen who only blankly stared back with narrowed eyes. Out of their zone, I could only watched while cringing a little bit when girls giggled by, and I stumbled on the way I stood and patted Ukyo on his leg, to which he jerked and looked at me.

Then Ukyo laughed and picked me up, jumping me in his hold and he was able to slap Shimane on the arm. "Oh God, I can't believe you actually took me on! Am I that terrifying?"

Shimane gave him the stink eyes.

Ukyo laughed merrily again and turned to face me. He squint his eyes before patting my head, making an exaggerated thinking sound. "Hmmm... hmmmm..." And then he sighed and turned to look at Shimane. "Seriously, I have to come up with some awesome name. Like superheroes. Like Captain America."

Shimane looked at the blond like he was plotting the terrible _'I knock, you speak'_ plan. "Don't tell me you've been into those hero shonen anime because if you dare give her a name based on a pun I swear―"

Ukyo shushed Shimane by kicking his knees and beamed like he won Nobel Prize. "My Hero Academia! My hero! Mai hiro! Mahiro!"

I was briefly impressed at how he came up with my name. I tested how it sounded and found that while it sounded similar to whatever feminine Japanese name like Miharu, it held this rough edge like a boy.

Well, I kinda liked it.

Shimane gave this dead look to Ukyo. "I can't believe you based her name on that anime. Are you crazy?

So it was an anime my name is from?

Ukyo gave a dramatic gasp, swirling us around to look at the blank teen. "It's a cute and powerful name! I was thinking of that because before I came to your house, I was actually depressed, and I need my cuddly buddy! But when I saw my daughter, I remembered Izuku and his wide terrified watery green eyes, and those freckles!" He gave a coo when he put me down and squished my cheeks together in emphasize, making me look like a fish while I tried to prattle him away. "See? She's paranoid like Izuku! _IIIIIIIzukuuuuu_! Izuku! Izuku! She's my hero! M _AA~AA_ HHIRO."

He released my cheeks and I rubbed them, soothing the dull ache. The blond beamed at the black-haired teen, to which he snorted and said something in his native tongue, Ukyo nodding his head eagerly (reminding me of a Golden Retriever) before the short teen threw him the plastic bags along with my previous clothes.

Efficiently shoting his arm in the loop of the bags, the blomd assumed a pose where you leaned forward, sticked your ass out with one hand on hip and do the duck face, then give flying kisses.

Shimane flipped the birds off him as he dodged in a counterclockwise way, which is quite an amusing sight to see.

Ukyo laughed and waved us goodbye obnoxiously like he wants to rip his arm off. I watched him go and got lost in the mob of colors.

Shimane sighed out of relief besides me before he grasped my hands with his large one. "Okay, we'll be having a playtime in a park. Ukyo's gonna prepare some food, buy some stuff, and he'll come back from my apartment at lunch."

He danced with me for a while before I somehow ended stepping on his feet.

・・・

Being with Shimane means that I could also experience silence and nature.

It actually reminded me of the past, where solitary is a second nature to me. I could feel how brief happiness buzzed through my veins when I appreciated nature and can related to how Shimane seemed contented with the silence.

We were walking on one of the district where all variety of houses were beautiful and have this nice brick wall around the perimeters along with a single last name sign by the gate. The streets were wide and clean, but looked kind of similar, and I blinked when we came upon a park.

The park had a large rectangular perimeter with large trees as a shade for benches, a weird whale or animal dome where you can go inside or on top if you would be daring, a slide, two see-saw and three swings. It was a plain park with few children laughing merrily and some parents watching afar, chatting among themselves.

Shimane tightened his grip on my hand and bent down to my height. "Ukyo will come later for lunch at Take-Sushi, so go play with the other kid."

By Take-Sushi (I have to remind myself it's pronounced as _ta-ke_ , not _take_ ), it must be a sushi house. I felt myself blanching at the thought, knowing that sushi would taste weird and so organic because there's no artificial flavors or something like that.

I nodded at Shimane and he gave a smile before ushering me to the kids who were curious at the new addition to their playmates. I blinked at their brown or black hair and unconsciously tugged on my blond hair, feeling like they were gazing at a museum artifact. They were talking in Japanese and I hesitate on joining the fun.

Now that I think about it, I blinked at why would I play with the other kids. I was eighteen for goodness's sake.

I nodded at the kids and went my way to the sand box, considering it's the place where at least only one kid was there. I would have went to the swings if only they weren't full and filled with laughing children.

The kid peered up from his yellow bell flower hat (which is quite adorable) and flinched at the sight of me, fidgeting with his plastic neon pink shovel, however, the curiosity in his wide doe brown eyes was something not to miss.

I felt myself giving him a small smile and a wave, feeling drawn to the way innocence sparkled around him.

There is something about children that I like. They were innocent beings and also adorable if you ignore all of their annoying qualities. For certain, I like small and cute things like children. They reminded me of the innocence that was gone from the cruel society. I might think that the reason why most people (especially teenagers) weren't good with children and/or dislike them is because they were blind to the reality and were so good and naïve.

I love children, but didn't know my way around them except some basic knowledge.

Which includes, if a kid flinched at you, twice or thrice or so, then something must be terribly wrong.

I was momentarily shocked at the kid's reaction before regaining myself and sending him a soft smile, trying to come off as someone who wouldn't cause harm.

Maybe my blond appearance must be terrifying? Is there some foreigner running gag that Japanese have?

He shrieked something under his breathe and blushed furiously under his hat, to which I let out a bright smile because _isn't he just too adorable._

I whacked my brain to remember something from the speaking Japanese tutorial book about the basic things before I tried my hand at it. "O-oname wa Ma-Mahiro."

 _Well,_ I cringed, _I just sounded like I inhale helium._

He blinked up at me, wide doe brown eyes widening before he shuffled on the sand. "O-oname wa Tsu-kun."

 _Tsu-kun._ I mentally hummed, liking the name already. If I said it too fast, it could be an Arabic word sukoon.

Now what was the word that was basically overused in those shonen anime that Shimane would watch. It starts with _to..._

Remembering the word, I smiled and settled myself on the sand, not too near to the kid but across from him because he's kinda terrified at me. I held out a hand for him to shake. "Tomodachi?" I internally winced at my high-pitched voice. One day when puberty comes, I would get rid of the high pitched sound.

He stared at my hand oddly, eyebrows furrowed together before he let his small hand hesitantly came and held it. "U-un..."

I shook it gently before releasing my grip, sending a soft smile at him again, to which he flushed furiously at. I chuckled softly and gestured him for his bucket filled with plastic tools to which he was hesitant before giving them to me.

Aww, he's so adorable and cute.

I removed all contents in the bucket and used the neon green shovel to pick up all the sand in the now empty bucket. I tried to made a castle with no water to which I managed to succeeded and act like I was the princess and that Tsu-kun will be the ' _kingu'_ or _'ojī-sama'_ or some Japanese word for king and prince.

He was clearly hesitant, fingers wiggling around his wrinkly boyish shirt. But I was patient and always smiling at him softly, showing him that it's okay to play with me. Tsu-kun took a long time to at least be remotely comfortable with me. He was hesitant, clumsy and very pudgy like how children are.

But he was so adorable and cute.

"Tsu-kun!"

The kid jerked his head to the sound and I followed soon, watching as Shimane and Ukyo along with a pretty long brown-haired woman was walking towards us, the brunette smiling broadly while Ukyo was fiddling with a camera, pressing the button too much and Shimane was blank faced as always.

"Mama!" Tsu-kun immediately brightened at her arrival.

I raised my eyebrows. So that's Tsu-kun's mom. She was quite young and I could see where he got the cute looks.

His mom giggled and rushed forward to hug him off the air, the poor kid shrieking and holding onto his mother as if she was his lifeline. I whistled, impressed by her show. Now that's a woman's strength to fear with, and she was also very thin to begin with.

All the three adults then engaged into a conversation with their native tongue, I was watching them curiously while feeling left out.

Whatever. I was not involved anyway. Tsu-kun was also just watching them curiously from his yellow bell flower cap on his mom's arms.

There was a time when the kid's mom turned to me with curious and kind eyes and asked. "Mahiro-chan speaks English?"

I briefly remember in some anime that English is an optional or basic subject in Japan (it depends on the education system of the school) and that most Japanese felt that it was kinda useless to learn such thing.

But everyone is speaking English so fluently.

I gave a smile to the pretty lady. "Yes."

How curt.

The lady smiled brightly and I was blinded momentarily as if she was the sun. "My, what a beautiful girl! My name is Nana Sawada and this is Tsunayoshi, but I call him Tsu-kun! He's two years old at the moment!"

There's wasn't a single Japanese accent in her English nor the slurring of the letters r-l. Also the way she introduced herself was how Westerners introduced themselves.

I know Japan is smart, but this is quite beyond of what I imagined.

Sawada turned to the two teens and asked. "Mahiro-chan would be studying in Namimori Kindergarten, right?"

Shimane came back with the bucket and its tool and replied "she will", to which Sawada squealed and let out a bright smile, jostling her hold on Tsu-kun―or Tsunayoshi, since we weren't that close―with her laugh. "Tsu-kun will have a pretty wife!"

Tsunayoshi immediately flushed and shrieked something, but I wasn't affected by her words. For sure, I know she was just joking. Young parents like her likes to joke about the future of their kids.

Ukyo beamed, the brightness paring with Sawada. "I hope you can pass your Yamato Nadeshiko skills to Mahiro."

Sawada laughed merrily, arranging her hold on young Tsunayoshi. "Well then, since it's been a long time, how about a lunch in my house? I'm sure you all are hungry."

Ukyo and Shimane had this dreamy look and the blond even dare to drool. "Mama, please cook a buffet for us~"

 _Mama? He was her son?_ Perhaps it was just an endearment and by their reactions, Sawada must be a great cook.

Sawada tutted and walked off with her son from the park, leaving the blond to moan for his agony and exaggeratedly fell to his knees. "Boys, let's go, I can hear the kitchen calling for me!"

Shimane's only response was a kick to Ukyo and a pull of his blank face.

Ukyo's retaliation came in the form of a middle finger.

I passed by them, making sure that I didn't notice heir crude behavior.

* * *

 **GLOSSARY;;**

 **[1] danchi: Do any one of you watch One Punch Man? If yes, then Shimane's room is styled similarly like Saitama's room and the bald man's (Saitama) "abandoned apartment" is an example of a danchi.**

 **TRANSLATION;;**

 **"Oname wa..." ー My name is...**

 **"Tomodachi?" ー Friends?**

 **"U-un." ー Y-yeah.**

 **I believe that Mahiro had a lot of character improvement later on. I also didn't established their first character impression other than the reluctant and bullied kid, but we will have a lot of improvement bro.**

 **Peace off bros.**

* * *

 **Question: How's Mahiro? Were they weird enough with all the introspective stuff?**


	4. when girls say 'nichiwa, run to Canada

**Yeah! I got two extra reviews and about close to 10 favourites and follows! Thank you so much, G4rd3n and OperaEagle IcelynLacelett for the reviews, and to those who favorite and follow this story! I was supposed to update this story on my sis's or mom's birthday, but we got a week plan so I'm updating now!**

 **Also, since we got a curious reviewer (OperaEagle IcelynLacelett) who's review is answered through PM, I will also put their questions/statement and my answers in the AN.**

 **『I like her so far...』**

 **Oops! I noticed some mistakes on my previous charter's question! As mentioned in the previous chapters, Mahiro considered themselves as a neutral gender, but acknowledges that they are physically a boy and appearance-wise that of a girl, so Mahiro isn't a 'she'! I've already changed the pronouns!**

 **『Also what's Shimane's situation? Are his parents dead or did he run away? At twelve too. And what's Ukyo's backtory?』**

 **Secret~ Though as the story will go on, I'm sure they will unravel themselves, chars.**

 **『How did they get to be lovers so young? And how do they even work together? Different perspectives?』**

 **Shimane and Ukyo aren't lovers, I repeat, AREN'T lovers. They have this relationship like bickering married old couples at the age of 70. You'll see what kind of work they do together. And different perspectives? I need it to be specific.**

* * *

 _chapter four_

 _when girls said 'nichiwa, run to Canada_

* * *

Sawada Residence is a large house.

A single family house with a second story and a backyard.

I was impressed by the American-styled building, or was it? Not many Japanese have their house as beautiful and large as the Sawada. During our walk to the Sawada Residence, the three adults (or just one adult and two teens but I get the feeling they were mature enough, even that Ukyo) were engaged in a conversation with their native tongue while me and Tsunayoshi were in front of them, playing a game of _jak-ken-pon._

Rock, paper, scissors.

Tsunayoshi was clumsy with his hands and he couldn't coordinate his hands under the time limit, but I ultimately lose on purpose in order to help his pride. It was a 0 to 10.

Well, at least he was such an adorable child, shrieking happily at his wins. I also couldn't resist patting on his yellow bell flower hat, noting that I was a bit taller than him.

When we arrive at their home, there's Ukyo's Ducati parked which shows that he came here before going to the park with Sawada, and managed to rope in some kind of plan that instead of eating at Take-Sushi, we came to the Sawada for a "tasty" lunch.

Said persin opened entrance gate for us as well as the main door for us, chirping, "Welcome!"

At the entryway, there was a small area, at the same level as the outside, where Sawada removed her shoes as well as Tsunayoshi's. She arranged the shoes with the tips pointing outside from her place at the raised floor level to which is the entire residence is leveled at. Adjacent to the lower floor is a cabinet in which she took out several slippers and placed them on the raised floor level.

Ukyo and Shimane took off their shoes and slipped into the slippers. Taking their lead, I was about to remove my shoes when Sawada swept down and did it for me. She held my hand and also Tsunayoshi's with her other hand and cooed as we walked down the hallway and went to the living room.

She cooed something like _'kawaii'_ and left me with Tsunayoshi in the living room, Ukyo and Shimane resuming their talking to Sawada in their native tongue while I watched Tsunayoshi just standing there.

His mother then turned to him and said something about being in kitchen with the two teenagers and something about me. Tsunayoshi eagerly nodded at her with a flushed look (which is cute) and she leaned down to give a big sloppy kiss on his forehead (to which he laughed at, I loved children's laughter, sue me) and removing the bell flower hat before smiling at me.

"Can you be a good friend to Tsu-kun?" she asked, standing up to her short height.

I nodded with a smile. "I'll try."

She left me with a pat on the head and I am left with Tsunayoshi in the living room with no supervisor.

Wow. I was slightly feeling comical with everything. There's no one to supervise and I'm getting the good kind of comic relief.

Tsunayoshi, with his large mane of brown hair, was fidgeting as he looked at me. "E-eigo?"

I blinked at him.

Oh. He was asking me if I speak or am English.

I nodded my head, eyes attracted to the large hair Tsunayoshi had. Was he actually born with it? How was it able to defy gravity? "Aa."

Tsunayoshi fidgeted under my gaze and went to an area in the living room where his territory lies. It was mostly filled with Kamen Rider robot toys and I could already see Tsunayoshi in future as a hikikomori with a fetish for robots.

He sat down on the mat and gestured one toy at me.

I blinked vacantly.

He stared, fidgeting, but didn't lose his ground.

I blinked again and decided that well, it wouldn't hurt to play with him. Besides, at least Tsunayoshi didn't lend me some girl toys.

It was an odd thing to play robots with Tsunayoshi. He was clumsy and stumble over his hands coordination so much I wonder why his Kamen Rider toys didn't broke. He was so uncoordinated with his limbs and always glancing at me, a sign that he was conscious of my presence. He was alsl making these weird Japanese's sfx noises when the robots fought with each other and I have to take note of these noise.

 _Shoooo, shaaaa!_ or something like that.

It was funny watching Tsunayoshi's reactions when I swooped down on his Kamen Rider 1 with my Kamen Rider 2 when I should be fighting with the Shocker. He looked like I did a felony that offended him.

Even with my limited knowledge on Kamen Rider and all its series, I know that Kamen Rider 2 is an ally to Kamen Rider 1 and they should be fighting against Shocker, a terrorist organization.

Kinda funny how Japan's most famous series is about heroes and shonen stuff, a bit realistic despite it was a kid show.

Sawada called us for lunch, to which Tsunayoshi yelled something, leaving his toys in an arranged form, and rushed to her to the kitchen, bound to tip over the mat if only I wasn't there to catch him.

He blushed a fiery shade of scarlet red and jerked from my grasp, shyly looking at his fiddling foot. "A-arigatō..."

I shrugged before simply settljng it for a fond pat on his hair, ignoring his squawk.

How utterly clumsy.

・・・

The result of my graceful catch was that Tsunayoshi called me "Hiro-nee".

During the buffet in the kitchen―it was a buffet really and Sawada's cooking was godsend―he was talking excitedly to his mom about some stuff and called me that.

Hiro-nee.

Now I don't mind the nickname, it was quite endearing honestly (but slightly annoying), but sometimes I wonder if my name was a pun.

Which is silly because it was based on My Hero Academia, shonen anime which is about heroes and the gazz, perhaps featuring a young teen in a hero world fighting against villians (a bit obvious by the title, no?)

Mai hiro. Mahiro. A play off on My Hero.

And Hiro-nee kinda sounds like heroine (or heroin if we are that sick).

Tsunayoshi went into great lengths, shuttering and stumbling over his words that my name was deprived from the fact I saved him from tripping. I was wondering how when during the robots fight I was the one to swooped down and attacked his Kamen Rider with his ally.

His look during that time brought a silly smile on my face.

Sawada tittered lovingly, a wonderful mother whose eyes were bright with love for her son, and I wondered how young is she really. She looked to young to be a mother and looked like she could run for Miss Universe and have men running for her. But here she was, mother to one Tsunayoshi. "Mahiro, even though you're not related by blood, I could see that you will be a good sister to Tsu-kun, being a heroine to catch him." She said to me, brown eyes twinkling.

What is this? I was smiling humorlessly at the thought of how Japan had this image of a man to be strong and respected, not a wimpy boy to be saved by a girly looking guy. Why is the subconscious butting in inside my mind?

Ukyo smiled widely, patting me on the head since I was sitting next to him and facing Tsunayoshi who was eating his Salisbury steak. "Mahiro could be mistaken as your daughter since your husband is a blond. Oh, and let's not forget that she certainly is very cute."

Now that his words said it, I wonder where is Tsunayoshi's father. I got the answer when Sawada held a melancholic look on her face, looking faraway to the window above the sink. "I just wish Iemitsu would be here, he's really busy with his construction worker." She sighed dreamily, the picture of a woman in love. "He's truly a man of dirt."

From the corner of my eyes, the teens held this dark look for a moment before Ukyo laughed merrily, which only sounded like a jeering tone. "Yeah, Iemitsu-jii is certainly a man of dirt!"

He shared a look with Shimane, who was sitting on Sawada's left, and it was like a telepathic message between them as Shimane smirked with a knowing glint to his dead eyes.

Nana had this knowing look and she even let a wide smile slipped in. "Isn't that lovely?" All of them were engaged with secretive smiles about an inside joke that I understand.

So Tsunayoshi's dad is a shit.

Oh. No wonder why Tsuna is clumsy, he doesn't have the greatest male figure his life, with his mom only to take care of the house.

I hummed thoughtfully, "Oh."

All the three of them snapped from their reverie and Sawada sported a broad grin. "Mahiro-chan, it's okay to ask me questions, since perhaps I could be your mother-in-law!" She laughed at the idea and I blinked, slightly blinded at the wide acceptance before thinking about my questions while eating the meal.

And so, during the lunch, I learned some things about Sawada and Tsunayoshi. Sawada, who insisted to be called as Mama, was a twenty-eight (this is quite a shock here, my friends) housewife who aims to have a job in order to spend her free time when Tsunayoshi will be growing up. Previously, she worked at some esteemed job before retiring to take care of young Tuna. Her husband, Sawada Iemitsu, was going around the globe doing some construction work for Vongola Inc., an international company with a lot of skills under its belt, the royal family in the globe when it comes to industrial works and economics.

Tsunayoshi would be joining Namimori Kindergarten when he would finish his third birthday around October 14th this year.

Also, Sawada met Ukyo and Shimane when they were just elementary students going to graduate, a memory which got the two teens laughing rather nervously.

The entirety of the lunch was friendly talk and Tsunayoshi looking at me with those wide brown eyes that I somehow managed to fell under its spell. It was hypnotizing me to do what he wants and how can a child pull that off?

When we finished the buffet, there's a short and limited time where Tsunayoshi shown me some coloring picture book where he hazardously put bright neon colors for Kamen 1. It wasn't the best but at least he did an effort.

We bid farewell after the cleaning the dishes, and it was only after Ukyo dropped us that I wonder why Sawada didn't ask any questions about me.

* * *

Shimane sighed in relief after the job well done and wiped the sweats off his face. "Now, this cleanliness will surely last until school starts."

I gave him a small tired smile, pride swelling in my chest at the thought that everything in the room is cleaned until no speck of dust was seen.

The apartment room became messy and littered with clothes and fallen objects because of Ukyo when he came back at the room after buying several stuffs for us. It happened during when Ukyo had to go after we all went to shopping for my clothes. The several stuffs he bought were food and some school supplies which were part of the mess that was Shimane's room.

You don't know how angry Shimane was when he noticed the state his room was. He was a passive aggressive hurricane during the first day and was furiously trying to clean up all the mess. I was pulled in due to the fact I was intimidated by Shimane and I hate doing absolutely nothing when someone else is also doing something. I was staying under Shimane's care and it wounded my eighteen years old conscience to not help a twelve years old kid.

Moral of the story: never let Ukyo in the house unless you want to clean for 3 days straight

Shimane threw the gloves he had on to the trash can by the doorway and went to the hallway for the bathroom. "I'm taking a bath, Mahiro. Just do your work," was the last thing he said before disappearing. Making sure that the bathroom was clicked shut, I sighed in relief when his body odor trailed away to him and I looked out at the room, staring at how the room just seemed to sparkle to life.

So...

Today would mark my a week and a half stay at this world.

Well, I was absolutely an emotional mess during those week.

It was a mixture of self-recrimination, withdrawal and realization along with a goal of having new chances. Then there was a bang that started as the household chores and ending with Ukyo barging in with the meeting of Sawada and Tsunayoshi, then we got three days for cleaning the cluster mess that was Shimane's room.

I wonder if I was a fast-paced person. In such a small amount of time I managed to found the most valuable things. But all I could think was that maybe I was able to adapt well. Maybe I'm used to weirdness, maybe just maybe.

I had the goal of giving everything I got to life here. I was bullied and all I wanted was a taste of life that I deprived myself. But happiness is hard when my silent nature came in and all I could do is just appreciate something. It's pretty hard to explain it, I'm not that fancy with words, but I guess it comes with being too aloof and blank that I couldn't explain myself to others.

Shimane was singing some Japanese songs that was pretty eerie but wonderful. White Silence by the one who did Unravel for TG anime or something. It was great hearing it as a cover by Shimane, but he was fucked up when he came to the girly part. Shrilly.

Noting that the odor didn't went away, I used the orange-scented window cleaner and sprayed it in the air several times before deeming it right.

I went to the kitchen and opened the drawer where all cleaning utensils were. Putting the dirty cloth and window cleaner on the first rack, I closed the door and was about to go do my Japanese lesson when the door was knocked.

I stopped and stood when there was a pause, before the knocking resumed.

"I'll go get it." I said to myself when I didn't hear any abrupt change from the bathroom except that Shimane is continued his way from sad and eerie songs to some sappy Enki songs. What kind of teenager was Shimane? I briefly toyed with the idea when I was walking down the hallway before completely stopping dead in my tracks.

The knocking was gone and suddenly it was as if someone splashed cold water at me.

Who was knocking the door?

If it was Ukyo, the door would be bang repeatedly until it gave way, his obnoxious voice crying for Shimane to let him be inside or something disturbing. I wonder if Sawada knows but then I imagined her knocking to be gentle, knocking three times before waiting and doing the knocking again after a minute passed.

But this knocking? Two knocks happened under half a minute, an interval of several seconds.

I gulped and wiggle all of my sweaty fingers, ignoring the dread pooling in my stomach. I was drenched in sweat and paralyzed that there must be someone at the door.

 _Don't worry_ , somewhere deep in my mind said, _it must be one of Shimane's friends._

My conscious responded. _But Shimane isn't the type to have friends visiting them. He would have only the closest one visiting him._

There was some clinking noises and I could see the doorknob twisting, responding to the tandem of my beating heart, and as if it was a fright scare, the door opened to reveal a haunting pale girl with wide black eyes, wearing a dark sailor uniform, who stepped in and pressed her back on the flat surface of the door to close it.

"Aa," she muttered, her voice light and cheery when she noticed me standing there on the hallway. "'nichiwa."

A wide feral grin.

Then she pounced on me.

My heart did a sudden leap as I dodged quickly and slided over on top of the table behind me, knocking over the books stacked in columns and gritting out.

The girl laughed, she laughed and she ran after me, managing to caught my leg when I tried to scramble over to hide and all I could do was _runrunrun **RUN**_. The adrenaline in my veins could be confused with fear and I kicked her, repetitively at her hand with all the force of my will, but her hold was so strong, it was an iron grip and I shrieked Shimane's name all over again, trying escape and run away from her. She merely laughed a guttural sound and punched me directly in the stomach, sending me a hot flash of white pain and I choked from the pain and I was coughing out little splashes of blood.

The pain was indescribable, it was like blazing infernos was licking and twisting my insides, and the pain paled in comparison with the hits I took from the bullies in Previous.

I scrambled my legs around, blinding trying to kick her but there's was mock laughter and _nononononoNOnonoNO_

She is strong and I'm no match for her.

I need to run away. I need to not give up.

 _I need help._

"Get away from me!" I cried out, quickly turning my body over and holding unto the table edge but she was pulling on my leg as if she wanted to rip it from its socket and immediately my grip on the table was ripped like hot iron on the skin. I shrieked and then all blood circulation went fuzzy when I was held upside-down, dangling like a fresh fish caught by the fisherman. I tried to get a grip on her legs but she punched me again, the pain quadrupling and all I could see is hot blinding pain.

I choked out and bit my lips from crying out in pain, something in me retraining myself to show a weakness.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck, what is this? What is happening?_

"Aww," she cooed, walking further into the living room and swinging me merrily, "don't cry, yer makin' me wanna do more."

Somewhere the door was slammed and from my peripheral view, in the doorway was Shimane with an alarmed look and, upon realizing there was an intruder in the house, had this dark look and went into a fighting stance, quietly but swiftly going in for her.

As if her sense was spot-on, the girl looked at Shimane and dropped her hold on my leg, sending me falling head fist into the low table. "Oya?" She mummered and just when Shimane gave a punch at her head, she ducked over his arm and went straight for his neck, strangling him as she pushed him against the wall.

There was silence except of the light panting I did and Shimane growling out to the intruder who had her hands around his neck.

"Ya coulda hit me straight on," she stated, tightening her hold around his neck while placing her knee between his crotch area to avoid getting kicked by him. "If only ya didnat hesitate."

From my place on the low table, I could watched with hazy eyes, the fear pumping wildly in my blood the only thing holding me down.

 _I need to help, I need to help, I need to help._ Those words were chanting wildly in my head, the adrenaline and fear creating a huge roar from my heart, the only sound screaming loudly my ears.

 _But I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared._

 _This girl, who is she? Why is she strong? How can Shimane hesitate when he was going to hit her?_

 _Why, why, why, why?_

"What's wrong, Shimane?" She asked, her dark eyes widening as she neared her face against the teen. "Why didja hesitate?"

Shimane could only bare his teeth and gurgled out some curses, to which she clicked her tongue and pushed him back with enough force that had Shimane choking out blood and the wall having a telltale cracks branching out.

"No need ta tell Anego," she stated, looking sidewards at me with a wicked gleam. "Shimane, ya just have ta explain da situation." She released her grip on his neck and inched towards me, a sly smirk taking hold of her lips.

Something lodged itself in me and I tried to scramble, but she finally came to the low table and slide in, twirling a strand of my hair.

"I'm rather curious of ye, little girl," she asked slowly, "Why is Shimane takin' care of ya? Got a sugar daddy kink to work out?"

I was blinded by hot anger. How dare she insult Shimane? He's only twelve for goodness sake, why do you think he's a sugar daddy?! I was breathing heavily, eyes wide in fury but she only giggled as if I was silly enough to threaten her.

"Shu... shut up..." Shimane bit out, using the table as a support to pull himself up. He glared at the girl, body tensed and fist clenched. "You... why are you here?"

She waved a hand over her face, as if ridding a foul smell away. "Why can't yer Anego come ova' and enjoy herself? Yer blond fella failed ta stopped me. Pathetically weak, why does he cling ta ya?"

"Don't insult Ukyo," Shimane warned dangerously. "Or else."

She laughed happily, though it was wild and intimidating because she was staring at Shimane with wide eyes. It sent shivers down my spine that this girl and Shimane know each other. "Awwww, c'mon, Anego came to see ya all the way from Namimori, why can't ye be good host?"

"Why did you come here?" Shimane cautiously asked, ignoring all of her whining.

She smiled tightly in response, the corner lifting up to her cheekbones.

"Who's tis?" She jerked a hand towards me, her callused hand lighting tracing the blue powdered veins on my neck. I shivered, tried to calm myself down but the nausea of being held upside-down was jarring, it was a kaleidoscope of colors and I couldn't focus well enough but I understand her words.

Because she was speaking English.

"Someone not important." Shimane replied nonchalantly, trying to dissuade her from her interest in me.

She stared at him for a moment before breaking into chuckles.

"Mahiro, right?" She answered her question, smiling wide when there was an alarmed glint flashing over Shimane's eyes. "Yer blond fella wasnat a good keepah. Tryin' ta block my way towards ye. He messaged ye about meh, but he doesn't know ya always shut down yer phone around tis time."

"I do not know what you are talking." Shimane tried to dismissed the topic, but the girl patted tauntingly on my cheek, a sign that she had power over here.

"Call Namimori Gen'ral Hospital's Director and get 'im ta make a certificate," she ordered, standing up and tugging on my arm to pulled me up.

Those sentence sent me reeling into action. What does she meant by getting the doctors to make a certificate?

Immediately, I tried to pull away, but she was quick to send a punch up my stomach again and I coughed out, the pain rippling me through but _I fucking wouldn't give up._

 ** _I wouldn't fucking give up._**

I need to fight. Because something in me is yelling, a part of me is screaming for me to fight. Was it a fight for my masculinity, or the fact that I was bullied before but with this change, I need to fight back?

But all got was, _don't give up._

Something in me flared and I angrily tried to rip my arm away, but she chuckled, jerking me forward on her shoulder like she was carrying a sack.

"Let me go! Let me go!" I screeched, punching her back repeatedly. She only laughed and patted my bottom, irking me and making me punched my tiny fist against her back.

She huffed. "Oops-si-daisies, keep yer tone down or else." A good and hard smack against my bottom got me quiet begrudgingly.

"What the heck do you want with Mahiro?" Shimane fiercely asked, blocking the way to the hallway with his muscled structure. The girl only paused and titled her head.

"Do ye remembah when I picked ye up? Abandoned by yer family and smashin' people's faces from left to right?" She reminisced, speaking softly. "I remembah, kiddo, when ya were such a fierce soul during yer elementary days."

I paused. She picked Shimane up when he was orphaned and already hitting someone in his elementary years?

Who was she really?

"What does this have to do with this?" Shimane ignored all her nostalgia and directly went to the point.

She clicked her tongue in irritation and jostled me. I didn't pay any heed to it due to their conversation which is getting to a point in which I refrained myself from shouting.

"Even if dat blond fella, Ukyo, came in ta dis rotten world with ye, that isn't enough to pay the favor back, Shimane." She informed him in a patronizing tone. "I don't care ye're the wakagashira or if Ukyo is basically da saiko-komon. As yer oyabun, or Anego by da way, I think tis isn't enough ta pay back my favor. Yer strength and his brain were great for the family, but all the casualties ye made with the other gangs?" She shook her head in disappointment.

"This is why Momokyokai can't get any allies."

Those words sent me dead in my retaliation when I realized who Shimane is.

 _Oh my fucking god._

He's in the yakuza.

He's their first lieutenant and she's his boss. And―and Ukyo is the face of their administration.

 _What in the actual fuck?_

She continued speaking, "I know ye had striked terror into the head and da entirety of da hospital, so use everything yer sources have to get Mahiro a certificate. She will be Uie Mahiro, two years old―I know she is two―and born to Uie Senri and Yumura Hakuoh―"

Shimane suddenly yelled, cutting her off. "What the hell are you saying?! Do you even know Hakuoh―?"

The girl briskly waved his words off. "―failed in her seduction mission and had a miscarriage?" She nodded without care of the people she was mentioning. "Yeah, but the doctors in dis nice world didnat know that except Senri. Also, they were in a relationship and they were kinda wanting ta have a brat when Hakuoh was announced infertile? Her blood was splattered against the wall on yer left, so go and get that to be checked by Senri, 'cuz he's da underground doc."

The way she actually think this through shocked me but how she used someone's state was horrible.

 _Absolutely. Fucking. Horrible._

What in the fucking world is in her head? How can she do this?

As a oyabun, she had to honor her family, her yakuza and her brothers or sisters, but how dare she dishonor someone and used it to her advantage?

I was furious, clenching my fist and creating cresent marks upon them. _Calm down, I have to calm down._

"Shimane," she softly added and I almost bristled. _How dare she?_ "Hey, Shimane, this girl will succeed ye. That's why I need her. Ya know how da yakuza don wanna be allied with us because of ya. But if I get her ta succeed ya and take my place, surely she will help Momokyokai gain their fame."

There was a pause in this tense situation, a silence when I let her words sink in.

What the fuck?

I will succeed her and Shimane?

No freaking way.

There was a momentary pause before... "How do you know about her?" Shimane asked, sounding small all of the sudden.

This send me into panic. Why does he sound like giving up? What the hell? Fight! Do something!

"What?!" I shrieked, now coming back to punching her in the back and kicking my legs around. "No! NO! I don't want to! Let me go! Let me go! LET ME GO!"

"Aaaa..." she groaned tiredly, leaning back before sharply jerking me forward that I wasn't over her shoulder by sitting on her arm like a koala. "Shut up." And suddenly, there was a backhand strike towards my back, sending me to actually stop all my actions and paralyzed.

 _What the fuck?_ My eyes were wide as saucers in shock as I tried to move a part of my body. There was no pain but I was paralyzed temporarily. _**What the fuck?!** _ I tried to move, but the more I did so, I was terrified.

 _I can't move. I cant move. God, I can't move ―_

 _Stop._ I inhaled, trying to stop my panic. _Stop. Calm down. Yeah, calm down._

"I was curious upon seein' Ukyo with some baby girl clothes and goin' ta yer apartment." She jeered mockingly. "Why do ya even keep this girl? Do ya pity her?"

"Shut up." Shimane dangerously warned, his voice low and deadly.

The girl doesn't take a hint. She still went on. "Do ya have that silly honor? I told ya before, there's no honor in this scum world―"

"Shut up!" Then Shimane snapped.

I mentally cheered, relieved to know that Shimane will fight with her. _Finally!_

There was rushing rhythmic footsteps, which I know belonged to Shimane, but there was a smacking sound and then someone's falling unconscious on the ground.

I fell shocked, not trusting myself to acknowledge what had just happened.

"Oops," she emptily muttered out, not sounding a bit sorry.

She wasn't the one falling unconscious. This was the realization that had me silent.

She shrugged and jostled me again over her shoulder, walking away into the hallway. This was all I had to see Shimane lying in his small pool of blood, and I could only exhaled shakily.

・・・

"Let me go! Let me GO!" I yelled again, going back to punching her back again for the last minutes.

"Bitch, super cock sucker, mother fucker, can you just shut up?!" She roared over my yells, irritation dripping from her voice. I sneered and hit her straight on her spine, sending her yelling more dirty words to which I don't care.

For the past minutes, I had been yelling at her ear to let me go but she didn't gave in. She was going up to the danchi's rooftop, doing whatever shit she wanted and do you think I would let her have her way? I was going to not let her do this. What the fuck is wrong with her?

The door to the rooftop was kicked opened and she threw me out to the rooftop. I rolled away and softened my muscles so that I wouldn't get myself scrapped.

"So Mahiro?" She asked, coming over to my laying form. I stood up immediately and went into whatever fighting pose I remembered from Shimane's shonen anime or manga or from whatever the Previous know. I spread my legs shoulder width, the right foot in front and the left foot acting as a trigger, and put my fists out front, the forearm away from my chest and my fist were leveled with my face.

She whistled. "Oh, that's good." She smiled and sang to some fucked up cheery song. "I think the name Mahiro comes from Ukyo. Perhaps a play word? Ukyo is frighteningly intelligent, but Shimane corrupted him with those animation that loners are attracted to."

I took note of her speaking. It wasn't the slang she had when she was with Shimane, it was now the normal English.

She bent her upper chest forward and suddenly she speed up, her face dangerously near mine. I widened my eyes and tried to dodge out of the way but she sent a punch to my stomach, the force of it sending me flying backwards and coughing in pain.

She tutted as she slowly came to a halt with her foot while I fell on the ground in heaps. "Poor reaction time and eyes-body coordination." I watched her grinned broadly before arranging her sailor uniform dress. "Well, good thing you have Yamazaki Himeji to help you."

I tried to stand up but I fell down on my knees, the burning pain in my stomach weighting me down.

Well, I sent her a glare.

 _Fuck you Yamazaki Himeji._

* * *

 **Is this chapter to fast-paced? I was scared because it looked okay to me. But I need your criticisms for this. Also, I think Mahiro is kinda confusing. They were such a huge mess of a character who's fucked up anyway. And have you noticed anything about Mahiro? During the entire chapter and how their thought went fast and larger during Himeji time?**

 **Also, I know if some of you were confused with Himeji's interest in Mahiro, it will be answered later.**

 **I think this is a fun story to write but I'm working on three other stories in Wattpad. One's a writing prompts, the other a small chaptered story, and the third the story which is fucked up (in idea not writing).**

* * *

 **QUESTION: Are you shocked about Sawada Nana? She's pretty different, no? But tell me why she was like this, I'm curious to know all of your superstitious!**

* * *

 **I may sound needy, but please review! It would clearly boost my mood to update more when I have words that talks about my story and some nice inputs!**


	5. i should have know better

**If I manage to get 10 reviews by the 6th chapter, I'LL BE SCREAMING BECAUSE HOT DAMN dO YOU WANT TREATS maYBE**

 **So I managed to garner around 15+ follows and favorites and I like it. First time getting such thing. I'm absolutely hAPPY!**

 **I think being an adult means smiling even when the flames of hell are on you. School projects, exams, and teacher's adamant decision to not give me exam pass is just the lesser of evil things life could vomit.**

 **Shoutout to Of Stories Told for their amazing review and the insight, and to Anonima-Traumada for their lovely review and being an awesome fan from Uruguay who is interested in the potential(?) yaoi pairing Shimane/Ukyo or Ukyo/Shimane.**

* * *

 _chapter five _

_i should have know better_

* * *

"Nigga, are you that shitty?"

She sent a swift kick to my side, the pain exploding like fireworks and red liquid erupted from my mouth. I grunted and curled on the ground, reminding myself to relax my muscles, but my hair was yanked upwards and through blurry eyes I was able to see Yamazaki.

Her black sharp eyes twiched and I hissed at her, glowing eyes glaring at her with all of my will.

Her butchery of words, the taunts and derisive laughter, the exploding pain―all of it made me so _fucking_ _furious_ at her. The entire fight was one-sided, a silly game for her to break me apart to be molded into the Anego she wanted.

She was toying with me.

She smiled down at me, yellow teeth glistening under the brightness of the afternoon sun. "Girls on their way as an Anego shouldn't cry."

Then there was a sickening crack and I screamed, sobs wrecking through my body as my head plummeted to the ground on my arm, hot white pain flashing before my eyes. The bruises ached horribly and burned like iron rods on my skin, and I knew she had dislocated my shoulder.

 _fuckfuckfuck **fuckFU―**_

Tears sprang up to my eyes, drawing rivers down my bruised cheeks. The pain used to be a familiar presence I was able to accept, but now I was a child, I was highly sensitive to the acute feeling and I cried, _gosh, I fucking cried._

Yamazaki Himeji, in her glory of being the boss of Momokyokai, gazed at me with dark eyes through her messy cropped black hair. She tutted. "Mahiro, you're terribly pathetic." Her eyes piercing though me like daggers, they were derisive and ...

They were making me feel shame.

I was ashame at myself, beaten around by a strong woman and crying at the wounds she had inflicted. Even when I am in a child form. Even when I'm weak (because of my baby body). Even when there's a thousand of reason for this fuckery―still, a part of myself was stabbed repeatedly, making way for shame and I just don't fucking understand this shit going on.

What is this? Is this concerning about my masculinity? My pride? The way how I was weak compared to Previous who managed to take every hit without a cry? Or was it because my pain resistant is equivalent to that one of a child?

I'm not going to use poetic words to describe what I'm fucking feeling and what caused this. I am really burning with shame and I am annoyed by that because _I. Don't. Get. It._

 ** _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._**

Yamazaki snorted like she just heard my thoughts and bent her knees by my lying form, dead eyes boring into my furious teary ones. "You got to man up. Gosh, seriously. At least you got some knowledge out there. But sheesh, you need to come at me, like with your life on the line. I was dead serious when I told you you're gonna take my post. Don't go against my words, you dumbass. I was even hoping you can beat Shimane since he's the top fighter in Momokyokai."

She looked away distantly before whistling unimpressively, her legs spread while her arms lay over it as a armrest. She turned her gaze back to me, the shadows contouring her features and her ink black hair falling from her face. "You're quite unfortunate, to have Shimane taking care of you. Behind that callous attitude, he's going to pity you. He's going to hold you back from being the Anego. He saw you were weak, and that you will always be one." Patronizingly, she patted my cheeks. "But I won't let him."

I bared her my teeth, wheezing the pain out, but she merely tutted and slammed a fist to my head to the concrete floor of the rooftop.

Hot white pain flashed through the punch and I choked out a guttural sound, forcing myself not to cry out but the tear ducts won't listen, leaking water out.

"Hey," she pulled my head up, and I gazed at her through hazy eyes, seeing a faint large curve on her face.

She was grinning.

A feral grin that stretched to her high cheekbones, showing her sharp yellow teeth.

It stopped the way my heart beat, dropping down to my stomach in dread for her words.

It took her moments to accessed something before she barked out a rusty laugh. "Your eyes, they are so fucking pitiful. It's like you got shits for brain." Despite the insults, I was breathing heavily, apprehending the doom in her words, feeling like she was going to mark something, a judge's verdict on the court. "You're disgusting actually, makes me wanna kill you over and over and spill your guts and all that crap. But you know what?"

She spat at my face and her words were gun bullets though my heart.

"The fun will be plucking anything that will threaten your position as the oyabun of Momokyokai. _You can't even save yourself from this._ "

* * *

I woke up, groggily opening my eyes to see a bright light and white ceiling.

The splitting pain and aching bruises registered somewhere in my head, stopping me from processing everything.

 _Damn this,_ I grimanced, not moving from my position on the bed. Closing my eyes, I tried to rid the phantom tiredness away from the crevice in my shoulders but it was futile.

 _"...so you're telling me to just wait for her to wake up? ...whose gonna help her?"_

 _"..don't know ... but this is ... by Himeji...? What the..."_

 _"Even ... kyo ... she ... priva... but..."_

 _"Gosh... mess ever... Himeji seriously needs to hold back."_

 _"But let's be legit... she considered this 'holding back'."_

Oh, there were people talking.

I wasn't in the mood to hear people blabbering about Yamazaki when she had beaten me until I lose conscious. Since I was dulled with the pain and groggy from waking up, I didn't feel much about her except heaviness. She really did kicked hard and got her words in my head.

Opening my eyes slowly and settling myself by leaning against my pillow, I let my fuzzy orbs took in the sight before me.

There was a bespectacled green-eyed man with curly brown hair, strong jaws that could cut glass and he wore a white doctor coat, talking to a woman whose height lose to him by an inch. She was a pretty blonde with the curls that made people think if it was done by a machine but was naturally falling off her shoulders and framing her heart face.

The room was very immaculate. There was a useless painting away from the adults and a small table by the woman's side. Flowers were blooming from the vase of swirling colors with a traditional Japanese poem by the side. Red spider lilies, perhaps. They were thousands strands curved upward, all narrowed and alone, surrounding the pollens dusted on its yellow strands, thinner than the petals.

The woman noticed me and gave a soft smile, pink lips a fair contrast to her pale skin and pale blonde hair. "Mahiro-chan is awake." She remarked to the man beside her.

The man turned to me, brown eyes wide with awkwardness and comprehending. "Ermmm, hey?" He gave a little wave that was actually a wipe motion.

A dainty hand came to slap him in the arm, to which he yelled out aindignant _"Hey!"_ while turning to the pretty blonde.

"Senri!" She chastised with a playful huff, "C'mon, she's gonna be our daughter, be good to her."

Daughter? Me?

Senri, the brunet, spluttered in shock before he turned to me, slowly and hesitant like he wasn't sure if he's doing the right thing. The blonde, Hakuoh, huffed impatiently and swirled to me, pulling on the doctor's sleeve on her way before she pushed him on my bed and hugged me.

I was shocked, breathe almost hitching at the close intimacy of the hug. The feeling was foreign to me. wasn't able to understand this kind of feeling. It was strange, a good kind of feeling filtering thought me, but it was foreign, so foreign I just want to rip myself away for it.

Only to have a part of me screaming for it. _Against it._

 _(i just don't know what to do.)_

Her soft cheek rubbed against my hair and I felt wet droplets on my head. Followed by other, then another, until it was like a soft and fragile pitter patters of rain against the glass.

The realization of what was happening was hitting me.

She kept on patting my back, like she wanted to reassure me of something. What was it that she was reassuring me off? I couldn't understand this, can't get used to this.

I hitched on my breathe when I spoke, words that covered what I wanted to say. "Please stop crying..." I don't want to get used to this feeling. She was comforting me, right? By showing her weak side, she was trying to get something from me. She was comforting me?

But from what?

I don't need to be comforted. I can handle this. Just leave me alone and don't bother me. I can accept whatever comes my way because I'm actually eighteen years old, not a child. I had long passed that age and innocence.

She stopped for a moment, her hand pressed lightly to my back for a pat, before she pulled me tighter to her chest, like a mother wishing to protect her children from the harm of the world. She choked out painfully of what was once my name before rocking me, humming a soft tune.

But she had to choked it out and it was such a heartbreaking sound.

I was paralyzed. _Why are you doing this? Stop it please._ My skin itched under her touch, like I was actually disgusted with the notion of being comforted and that I couldn't accept such a foreign matter.

I don't need comforting, please, just leave me alone.

I wanted to voice out what I want to say, but those heavy words were stuck on my throat, lodged in and never leaving from me. It was a moment of weakness that I had fallen to her lullaby and wished to be comforted, but... but... but...

My breathe hitched, I tried to control myself, clenched my fist unto the bedsheet, but she kept on patting my back, those soft hand digging a way for a hot lump to settle in.

I sniffed and controlled my heart, but how can my pure will stop what my heart wants? It was screaming for a release and I just...

I couldn't hold the dam together.

I let tears drop from my eyes, the body providing warmth that sooth my heavy sould. I felt a small sense of light relief in crying for something that I had lost ever since.

The lost for a chance of something new.

Instead of a life in a beautiful light into the sun and enjoying every single thing a teenager like me was supposed to do, I was thrown into the underworld, the criminal world where I'll end up staining my hands.

There goes all of my chance at getting what I had missed long ago.

Yamazaki Himeji had successfully thrown all of my chances into the black hole and chained me down to the yakuza. She had single-handedly took everything away from me. She was the iconoclast.

I couldn't get that life I wished for.

Instead...

I could only inflict pain into people just like her.

I was disgusting. A sick loser. Loner. Nothing to offer and having nothing offered to me. How silly can I be, to be lured in the simple joy of reincarnation and thinking that everything will change? How fucking shitty am I to actually think I have a chance?

I'm so foolish, I felt like laughing at myself and somewhat agreeing with my bullies.

I was a teenager, already on my way to adulthood. I should have know better, should have understand that everything nice only last for a moment before hell takes over.

I had experienced the cruel reality, experienced the harsh society before.

I should have known better.

I should have.

・・・

I remembered now, about Hakuoh and Senri.

Uie Senri, the underground doctor and resident doctor of Momokyokai. Yumura Hakuoh, a member of Momokyokai who failed in her seduction mission and had a miscarriage. They were couples whom Yamazaki made them be my parents to complete my birth certificate.

I was injured so heavily that I had fallen unconcious, and since Yamazaki doesn't want to go to hospitals, she left me here with the doctor. She really thought so meticulously.

I took the tissue from Senri's hand and blow out the snot, putting it away on the table next to me. I looked at them both with red blank eyes.

Even when I shared an emotional scene with them, I still couldn't open myself up. I was back to being withdrawn, someone who couldn't care less with life.

The blonde smiled softly, wiping a tear away from her eye with a grace of an angel, and she spoke. "Hey there. I'm Hakuoh, but you can just call me Mama." She laughed joyfully, her eyes sparkling with an excitement of having a child to raise up.

I looked at her before nodding softly, not trusting myself to do anything else. But because it was because of my consideration for the couple's hospitality about me that I asked. "Is this ... okay with you both?"

It was, afterall, on the orders of Yamazaki that they will be adopting me and creating a fake certificate for me. Supposedly they should be more reluctant about me but here they are acting like I was really their own.

Hakuoh threw her head back for a laugh. "Silly!" She exclaimed out loud, looking at me with sparkling green eyes. "You're a sweet girl, Mahiro! We would love to have you as our own!"

I blinked at that. Even when I'm bedridden, they still believe I am a girl? I vaguely remembered that 'Kyo' told them abiut how I 'liked my privacy respected'. I sighed in defeat, but before I could break into a fake smile, Senri piqued up with saucer-wide eyes.

"I kinda wanted to learn what it's like to have a kid."

...

Oh right, they had done the deed. Of course they would be curious about having one. But maybe it was because of Hakuoh's case with her failed seduction mission and having a miscarriage that it could be difficult to have the matter of having a child settled.

But isn't he a doctor?

Hakuoh gave him the mock inquisitive look. "You're a doctor, 'nuff said." A sigh. "Well, we're at twenties now, so why not explore and get what we want?" She gave him the raised eyebrows look completed with a mischievous smile.

Senri became a blushing mess, spluttering out some incoherent stuff and falling off the bed. I understand the implications it had and wonder why he was so shy about it. They were, after all, not virgins.

She bark at his reaction before sighing. "But it was also dangerous for us to have Mahiro, with our jobs in the yakuza and all." She paused for a brief glance at me. "Actually, Yamazaki didn't tell us to be parents. Just simply someone to watch your improvement in the field. We'll try getting a nanny for you." She gave me a sad look, to which I stared right on.

I could take care of myself. A nanny will just be like them, only to supervise my moves and do their job.

Senri also sighed remorsefully but with a different matter in head. "What's with Yamazaki, suddenly making us create a certificate for Mahiro-chan only to have us as her parents?"

Ouch, those words hurt...

Hakuoh glared at him like she was offended that he was worried about that matter. _(But her eyes were furious, darken with eyebags under her eyes. Suddenly everything was serious and stressful between the couple.)_ "Of course it was a good idea. I'm the shateigashira, and you're the doctor, one of the best college drop-outs. What else could be better than that?"

Shateigashira? She's the second lieutenant after Shimane? And the doctor was a college drop-out? And a best at that? What?

Senri raised an eyebrow at her sarcastically _(mockingly)_. "Shimane and Ukyo. Shimane's the wakagashira and Ukyo's the saiko-komon, so what else?"

I nodded my head at that. Shimane has one of the highest position, right after oyabun and kyobun and saiko-komon. He was only a middle-schooler who gained that title. And Ukyo must be really cunning to be the entire head of saiko-komon, or it was just my exaggeration?

Hakuoh gave an irritated huff at that. She felt challenged for some reasons. "We shouldn't let them beat us. They're just midgle-schoolers. It only would just exaggerated Ukyo's belief that they were some shōnen hero."

I crack a smile at that. Even when everything was bad before, just hearing about Ukyo's idiocy was nice.

Senri shrugged and took a phone out of his back pocket after he sat up. "Well, I have to deal with some crazy shatei. While you, miss," he dived up to give a peck to her lips and left them both with eyes half-life with lust, "have to deal with some crazy delinquents wanting to meet with the the infamous Druken Fist user who ranked fourth in Momokyokai."

...

Holy shit.

Did they kiss in front of me?

Hakuoh swatted his face away and looked at me, embarrassed to be caught in such an action while there was a child. Gosh. "But how about her...?" She pondered, "she's not clean because Ukyo said she likes her privacy not poked at."

Wow, how sweet, they were respecting my privacy. And also to have Ukyo informed them about that... so it was him?

Senri flicked his phone closed, "Well, we got a solution for that."

・・・

Senri's solution came in the form of a brother (not blood related) who had the honor of having me as an errand. The brother―business suit, tattoo peeking our from the white collar, and a weary face paired with slick red hair and golden eyes―was to drop me off somewhere in the quieter Namimori streets by the house of who ever gets me as their problem. In a form of motorbike and some cautious look from the broIher, I hopped in.

The solution was to placate Hakuoh's worries about my hygiene, but I wasn't on that.

I was tired.

 _Too tired._

I don't know what made me looked at this world with a happy gaze, naïvety of a teenager who thought they finally had it all. That I had a new chance for a life I never had. But I was back to who I was before, depressed and lonely, used to solitary and had to walk forward with no aim at all.

I blinked and saw the word in grey monochromatic colors, never fading to a complete black or white but just blurring shades of it.

I wasn't some justice fighter or wicked sociopath, I was just as neutral as I could be. I'm not on either side but I'm just on my own forever. But the thing I realized is that I was just a little speck. I wasn't worth salt. This fucked-up Japanese animation... made me realized that.

 _(Again and again, why does the fact that I'm worthless kept on slapping around my face?)_

I hopped of the motorbike and nodded to the brother―who had a contemplative expression whether if he had to supervise me on before shrugging―and going to my way to a new house somewhere in Namimori. The motorbike reeved away when I pushed the gate door open and closed it behind me to inspect the house.

It was a beautiful two story house similar to the structure of Sawada's house, which made me ache for normality.

Before leaving, I was told by Senri and Hakuoh that my items from Shimane's room will be dropping off to the house some days later. Shimane had already cleaned his house when I was gone for some day and he was albeit frustrated with the incident, and the adults understood where Shimane's frustration could lead, so it was the safetest solution.

The thought of two middle schoolers made me wished of a time where I hadn't met them, where I wasn't taken by the black-haired teen who couldn't let anything be left behind without a help. But there's no use in wishing when it happened long ago. I had regretted enough from now.

There was a gaping hole inside me that inwardly shrieked about the unfairness of the situation, but I was used to it. I mean, I had lived with this feeling, there's nothing wrong then.

I sighed and pushed the main door, welcomed to the sight of traditional house with tatami mats and sliding doors, the faint woody smell comforting my soul.

I closed the door behind me and made my way to what seemed like a living room, styled in an American fashion. Not taking in the room, I pulled my feet forward and dumped myself on some couch before finding myself lurred to sleep.

* * *

I glanced at the boxes that made themselves in the living room.

It has been two days since I had settled in here, and honestly I liked the place. It had three guest room, three bedrooms and two bathrooms. There was a small backyard and a pouch behind the house where it was typical for kids to sit out and watch the sun with light clothes and dripping ice creams.

It was nice, very nice.

The boxes needed to be opened, but I wasn't in the mood to do anything. However, a part of me kept bugging me about things needing to get done so I gave in.

There was boxes of clothes, some household utensils, and books.

School supplies.

There were lots of them. All in fancy colors. Rainbow. Tiny books about Japanese, empty weird notebooks that were plain but meh, markers, just the basic stuffs. Nice.

Good thing the living room was bare. While it had furnitures, they weren't decorated. The room felt bare. So the bookshelves were made home to the school supplies. The household stuffs had their way to the kitchen and I used a long blanket to wrapped the box of clothes to bring them up the stairs. Creative.

The packing and unloading of clothes were hard. Shimane had the foresight to pack hangers in bubble warps and I liked the surprise. Since I had somehow developed a second head for fashion sense, all of my clothes were arranged beautifully in the mini walk-in closet I had.

I took the largest room possible. Ha.

So like I said before, my clothes were arranged so well that an OCD will moan in bliss. Pants were arranged by their colors and the tone. There were stacks of blue, white, and black. The clothes were according to their style―t-shirts, button ups, sleeveless, the list just went on. The hangers were holding gowns.

Yes. Glittery, fluffy tutu girly gowns. They were actually pretty, but having my armpits and half of my chest exposed with only a neck halter isn't fun. Thank you very much.

I went down the stairs to prepare the arrangement of the kitchen, but there was a knock on the door before it exploded into some kind of music and an obnoxious voice singing, "My hero! My hero! The Hero!"

My legs took me and when I opened it, I was greeted with the sight of a smiling Ukyo.

"Hello!" He jumped slightly and the plastic rustling sound alarmed me of the groceries he had bought.

I blinked before moving myself with the door to let him in. "Hi."

"Okaeri!" The blond came in and closed the door, almost ripping my hand out, and he proceeded dumping the groceries on the upper levelled floor and did a small shoe routine when one enters the house and I set down the slippers from the cabinet by the wall.

I glanced at the groceries, six bags, before grabbing one and going to the kitchen to set them up. Unfortunately, Ukyo held me back with a grip on my shoulder.

"Hey, hey, hey!" He sniffed dramatically, pushing me to the living room. There was more rustling sounds so he must've took the rest of the groceries. "Mahiro-chan, what's with the silent treatment? I brought groceries when Himeji was like 'oh, that gaki only had bread to satiated her hunger for two days'!"

Well, not just a bread. There was orange juice, eggs, and a bit of leftover rice from the rice cooker. The leftover rice was reborn as fried rice with boiled eggs. Then some fried chicken and hotdogs for the second day.

They all lasted enough for three meals.

I let him do as he likes and he settled me on the couch before inspecting the room. "Man!" He scrunched his nose up and placed his hands on his hips. "This room needs more style! Should I buy a lava lamp?"

He turned to me with an excited look but I just shrugged. "Do as you like. But aren't you spending a little too much money on me?"

The blond tutted and as fast as his legs could bring him, he settled down to the bookshelf and the box of school supplies after dumping the groceries next to him, and started arranging.

"I'm not spending too much, " he snorted. "Since I'm basically the saiko-komon, advisor, bah, I lead most operations. Loan sharking, bribery, black market, large investment and harassing large companies' asses because they too scared. All successful."

I blinked at how he was casually speaking his job and the crimes he had done. There was a heavy silence in which neither of us can come up with a topic. Ukyo seemed like he was lost in his thoughts and I was thinking up of something to say.

I decided to make some noise by checking the plastic that I still had with me. Upon seeing it was snacks, I took out the chips and biscuits and some soft drinks then arranged them on the table.

Ukyo sighed and fiddled with the Japanese book. "Look, Mahiro-chan. Throw any questions you got. You're... as much as we hate this, you are involved. You're now the kyobun who will have to succeed Momokyokai. Hime-ane-san had the news going around."

His electric blue eyes were down and heavy, like the news had affected him deeply.

Staring at him, the clock ticking in the background, I tried to contemplate my situation in the yakuza, unconsciously taking some packet of chip and ripping it.

"How's everyone?" I asked instead, munching on the chips and the sharp BBQ flavour.

Ukyo didn't seem put off by the change of topic, he just laughed boisterously. "Fine, fine! Shimane got a whole load of problems in Shimon, Haku is out for Kokuyo, and Sen is dealing with kids who got hurt. Highschool and their yakuza fascination..." He end with a huff and along the lines of _'they should say something like senpai noticed me'._

I don't know what is Shimon except that common sense lead me to it being a town. Which is awful, why would Japan had a town with an English name? And Haku must be Hakuoh and Sen is Senri. How creative.

The tapping against the wooden floor brought me out of my musing, Ukyo gazing clearly at me with a hidden meaning in his blue eyes. Those expressive orbs were blanks and honestly, they were starting to be creepy.

Stop beating around the bush.

I gave a loud exhalation and slumped on the couch.

"I know this," I began slowly, sucking on my finger for the barbeque flavour. Nice. "I got two days and I had been thinking about it. I couldn't do much about it, and I just have to... go with it..."

The admittance was harder than I had expected. I had been acknowledging where I stood and to accept it, to admit it, is a sign that I gave up on the peaceful dream of done life.

The blond sighed deeply, expression schooled into frustration. "Goddamnit, that's so unfair for you. You're just a two years old kid. What the hell is wrong with her? If only I was more careful..." he released a huff angrily and muttered, "Dammit, there is still nothing I could do about it..."

I gazed at him, moving on to chew on vanilla biscuits at the information of my age. He noticed my inquisitive look and rubbed his neck.

"Okay, so we got the basic stuffs for you." He informed me with a face as blank as a paper. "You have AB blood. December will mark your three year living. You're a natural blond. Healthy and in good―nevermind. Your birth certificate doesn't involve Haku and Sen as your parents, it was a whimsical move for Hime actually, which caused us to cry blood because, wasted efforts bro." He rambled off with an uncertain look and turned the book in his hands around.

I soak in the information before throwing him a Coke. His hand unconsciously shot up to catch it and he opened the bottle with a pop

"Do you want to know more?" He asked, blue eyes wide and considering.

I sighed. There's no escaping this. Also Ukyo was starting to creep me out with that behavior. "While I don't know myself, I'll just start new. But I would like to know more of where I'll be diving to."

"The yakuza?" His voice rise slightly in panic before he composed himself with a shrug. "Oh well, it's normal to be curious. So our yakuza had been alive for two centuries. And Yamazaki Himeji is our kumicho. The big bad. The boss. We couldn't call her oyabun because she said _'it's for old fugly male'._ Lol, then she controls the saiko-komon, yours truly! I'm not alone here but people just like to exaggerate that I'm the face of the entire saikō-komon. Bah! So we control our own turfs in different areas and we have our own underlings, including other underbosses, advisors, accountants and enforcers."

He continued his explanation with exaggerated flourish and dramatics.

"Then the second in the chain of command is the wakagashira―Shimane!―who governs several gangs in a region with the help of a fuku-honbucho who is responsible for several gangs. Haku is the shateigashira, the local boss who governs the regional gangs herself! Total bomb, total diggity! And Senri is the underground doctor, but Haku marked him her's, which in turn mark him to us, to the Momokyokai, so he got the post so-honbucho, like he was the chief of headquarters? Something like that."

He took a sip of his Coke and wiped his lips on his shoulder. Then blew his bangs away from his forehead.

"Our yakuza system is pretty different from others. No drugs, but there's prostitution, human trafficking, some shitty stuff. So I'm just a new timer to those bad business. Despite that, I had lot of knowledge but Anego―that's Himeji, you call the girls Ane-san―had plans for you." The fast and slightly panicked tone turned somber. "You got to be prepared. Do a hundred push-ups, a hundred squats, a hundred sit-ups, a 10km jog. Learn some fight moves. Don't place Soul Caliber like Shimane. Don't choose Darth Vader." He stressed out heavily like a drunken man, his pretty face pale and sickly with worry.

Heaviness cloaked over my heart at the mention of the kumicho visiting me but I nodded it off. "When?"

Ukyo looked at me with bright, bright blue eyes before his long eyelashes fluttered. He releases a puff of breathe resignedly. "I don't know. She just said about visiting. So be prepared. Do your kata." He shuffled over the groceries and took out the Martial Arts for Dummies, the cover showing some dude punching a man with some flair.

"This book says it all, take good care of it." He put it on the bookshelf and stood up slowly with the grace of a weakly old gramps. With a hum, he sway his upper body and popped some bones, moaning in bliss. Then he carried the groceries and gestured me in with a broad smile.

"C'mon, let's get this house fixed!" He declared and I jerked at the sudden change in behavior. The entire conversation we had about yakuza was disorientation. I know bits since it was kinda retro in Japan or whatever Previous believed, but the skipping of topics and how they just don't connect at all made my head spin.

I got up from the couch slowly with the plastic bag and followed him to the kitchen. During some time in arranging the vevegetables in the refrigerator, a qestion popped in my head.

"Hey, Ukyo?" I called for the blue-eyed teen and turned to see him.

Said blonde tilted his head in acknowledgement like a golden retriever, the chopping sound coming to a halt. He was preparing for lunch so early but I wasn't complaining when there's food.

"Who owns this house?"

* * *

 _The day couldn't get any better._

I blinked at Yamazaki who somehow intruded in the house and made herself some coffee in the kitchen before shrugging her presence off while getting myself some cereals.

It wasn't an easy task. I was intimidated by the kumicho who was wearing a sailor uniform and had punched me to unconscious.

Also the owner of the house

 _(Which gave me a terrible heart attack. Which Ukyo took delight in. Which leads to lunch. Which leads to some visits during the week I was imprisoned here._

 _Which also leads to the revelation that it won't be Hakuoh and Senri who gets to be my 'parents' or 'supervisor' but the bitch drinking coffee.)_

I wasn't in the mood with talking with her because I hate to get into more troubles, I am scared of her, and I'm a pacifist at heart, thank you very much. Also, I just woke up so I need my cereals.

"How was your day now?" She asked me casually when I got the milk and bowl, watching for where I kept the rainbow cereals.

 _So she can act civilized?_ I thought to myself before replying blandly. "I got a whole week to be away from you."

A week where everything is finally settled, the house having a comfy feeling yet a Yamazaki Himeji danger touches to it because she's the fucking owner. A week where only Ukyo visited us, sometimes handling some ops with a Bluetooth headset and a laptop while keeping me company for Japanese lessons. A week full of peace only to be marred by the bitch sitting on the chair with a cup of coffee in hand.

You don't know how my day goes, no? Well, it was as normal as a depressed people could have. Shimane was busy. The one who called themselves as my 'parents' didn't come nor the nanny.

I wasn't petulant, okay? I was just... _meh..._

The kumicho waved her teaspoon at me, the droplets of coffee falling on the counter she was leaning on. "Well, that's my welcoming gift for you. A whole week of peace. So you deserved some presents. I'm here and you got a mission."

 _What the heck?_ I shuddered at her jokes(?) and frowned at her callous attitude, but wiped the expression off when I got the rainbow cereals and poured milk over on the bowl while mixing sugar in.

Yamazaki sent a look at me like she knows what I am feeling. "C'mon, speak up. You got brains now, unless you're a dumb blonde."

I sighed inwardly at being caught and the stereotyping. There's goes my undercover. If only she hadn't got Shimane and Ukyo, along with the couple, around her fingers, then I could just outright ignore her.

"I wouldn't want to go on a mission with you." I retorted, now putting in the rainbows and ignoring Yamazaki's sudden look of outrage at my actions rather than my words.

So what if I first put milk and later now cereals?

"I'm your Anego." She stated firmly, looking at me with a threatening look. I stopped in my ministration at the overwhelming aura she is releasing, feeling chocked up at the sheer intensity she is displaying. "Ya betta obey me, I'm doin' dis for yer own good."

I breathe in deeply before releasing it in one go, along with my fear. "How so?" I managed to voice out, but it was still quiet, fearful.

"I was workin' on tis case long ago, and I think ya need some field experience. Objective is ta find a whore, not just any whore, but a whore who crossed wit us long ago." She jerked her head back to drink all the coffee in a gulp.

I huffed angrily at the mission and her bullshit, eating my cereals. "You could ask someone, I just woke up." Also, I don't want to find some person, or a... _whore._

"Sadly the world doesn't work that way, so prep'ed up and get your ass for some shit." She stood up and with inhuman speed, threw the cup on the sink, the whooshing of the air and the crashing sound sending me jumping in my seat.

Once registering what had happened, I breathe shakily, thinking if the throw was aimed for me or just some intimidation tactics. God, I was so scared for a moment. Angry that she dared break my property, I glared at her retreating form but she flipped the birds at me as a response.

Well, fuck you too.

* * *

 **I really don't like how the chapter went. It was... the tone is just off... I had to rewrite, rewrite, rewrite and read then rewrite because it doesn't seems right. Also I took some sips of Lipton tea because why not?**

 **I hope I expressed Mahiro well. I mean, they went through the trauma of being reincarnated/transported in a two years old body with an androgynous face and a mentality of an eighteen years old kid. Then they got kicked by Yamazaki Himeji to unconsciousness in their first week.**

 **So the off-tish writing was how Mahiro copes. They were disattached and withdrawn with life.**

 **Also, can someone suggest me any drabble challenge so that I can limit my phrasing. I had read my previous chapters and was like, "wut is dis?" because I was all about fancy words that I didn't even focus on getting the point across.**

* * *

 **QUESTION: If you were Mahiro, how will you take the situation?**

 **Actually, I would brush it off when in fact my brain was full of everything and yet nothing and yet I felt heavy with devastation. That's how I deal with my life.**

* * *

 **Constructive reviews are welcome! I love to hear your ideas and what you think of the chapter and some of the points in general!**


	6. whore yourself out to shitass situations

**IM SHOOK. It's been MONTHSSS since I've last updated this story. I am so sorry! I just had a major writer block and I felt stressed trying to rewrite this story from its mistakes! I'm even more bothered that I might send you guys such a wussy chapter! Argh!**

 **(or maybe you could help me by finding a beta for me, because rn I don't have the luxury of having internet but wasting my allowance on mobile data ;w;)**

 **Also, I changed my username. Hopefully it will last for eternity :'''')**

 **Anyway, did you guys know that this story has officially bypass 40 pages with this chapter. Omg, I couldn't believe this.**

 **EDIT;; wtf how did this chapter deleted on its own? when I updated it like? three days ago?**

 **WARNING;; brief paedophiliac attitude and brief mention of rape. This story is going to get dark, so please don't expect rainbow and sparkles and marshmallow shooting out a unicorn's ass.**

* * *

 _chapter six_

 _whore yourself out to shitass situations_

* * *

"Himeji, you fucking cunt, what's that sound?! I swear to God, I will fucking bangtan this door and―"

A certain blond yelled just as he was bound to break his way through the door, which Yamazaki abruptly pulled open, revealing his tensed body as if he was ready to bludgeon his way through the measly piece of wood. His blazing blue eyes swiped down from Yamazaki to me, the orbs widening for a moment before his stiff shoulders sagged in relief.

It was as if my soul had descended down from the heaven with the angels to rejoice this joyous moment, the rays of sunshine enveloping me in peace.

Holy fuck, I seriously thought that I would have to suffer alone as Yamazaki continues to be a fucking bitch, but finally, everything seems bearable knowing that Ukyo will be joining with us.

However, his appearance was quite unusual to see. With his stylish blond hair ruffled like a bird's nest, bright blue eyes lined with a winged eyeliner, and pink blush dusting his cheeks and lips, it was as if he was asking for it. The only thing that screamed Ukyo was his oversized shirt with a hoodie of golden balls with wings and black ripped jeans.

Yamazaki snorted, which brought attention to her somewhat pug-like nose. "I can take care of Mahiro, okay?"

Ukyo cocked his eyebrow impassively. " _Hoh?_ I bet you gave her a nice warm bath then."

I shuddered at the mental image and quickly rid the thought away.

She groaned, throwing me a disgusted glance before turning her head away to spit at the ground. "Just smell her for yourself, prick."

Ukyo took a glance at me as if he was considering doing it before his small nose scrunched up and his eyebrows furrowed. Was it meant to offend me or was it his habit?

"Well, at least she's wearing clothes good for the operation." He shrugged one shoulder nonchalantly.

I tensed up. Good clothes for the operation? Urgh, best to not let it get to me.

Blinking, I caught Ukyo's eyes, which sparkled brightly as he grinned at me before flouncing out of the gates with a grace that makes his hoodie flapped around along with some outrageous hands dancing in the air. I stared after him as he went off, perplexed yet amused at the display.

Yamazaki clicked her tongue and then my hair was yanked back sharply, eliciting a yelp from me.

" _What the hell?_ " I exclaimed, trying to jerk my head away from the grasp and glaring up at the dark-haired delinquent, who frowned at me and tightened her grip on my hair. I hissed at the pain burning into my scalp as she pulled on my hair and dragged me out of the house.

Despite my attempts on tearing my nails into her hand, she still dragged me towards Ukyo, who stood by the bike holding a helmet by its strap.

"Get your hand off my hair," I hissed darkly, gaining the attention of the blond who turned to us with a smile that quickly dropped for a bewildered stare.

In a matter of seconds, Yamazaki released her hold in my hair and kicked me harshly on the back of my knee, sending me falling headfirst on the gravel. I let out a sharp gasp when I caught myself on the ground, coming face to face with the grey gravel and the accelerating beatings of my heart.

There was a moment of silence before Ukyo penetrated through it with a growl. " _Oh my fucking gosh_ Yamazaki you cunt―"

There was a groan from the delinquent followed by the sound of slapping. "Okay, fuck, I get it, don't lecture me―"

"I don't have to if you could behave yourself, Yamazaki. _She's two years old_ , what the hell―?"

I quickly pulled myself up and brushed the dirt of my clothes, ready to get rid of any verbal fight. "I'm fine," I looked at them pointedly.

Yamazaki snorted and jabbed a hand out to Ukyo, who slammed the helmet into her waiting hand with unnecessary force. She took the moment to glance down at it and at me before hurling the helmet at me.

Startled, I shoot my arms up to grab for it, the thought of it being destroyed sending me to act rashfully. My heart was rapidly pounding against my rib cage as my small hands trembled at the propelling impact of the helmet meeting the face of my hands.

Ukyo turned to Yamazaki with a gaping mouth before his demeanour took a 180 degree change.

" _What. The._ _ **Fuck**_ _?_ "

I quickly shoved the helmet into my head, adjusted the straps over my chin, and blurted out, "I'm fine."

When two pairs of eye landed on me, one pair seething angrily and the other smug, I sighed, "Let's just get this over."

Even when her expression was schooled to a vacant look, her eyes were flaunting the inner joy she had felt during her shenanigans towards me. When she noticed my stare, she tilted her head back and curved her lips into a jeer.

I gave her a brief side-glance before turning to Ukyo, who was seated on the motor with a space in front of him made for me. I could feel her befuddlement all around her as Ukyo settled me in the motor. Then I took a moment to exhale heavily.

All the willpower of being mature went to the drain as my shoulders collapsed from tiredness.

When one is being mature, it means being rational and logical. It means go take in the surrounding and respond to it accordingly. It is to be responsible and independent.

Simply put, being mature is being an adult.

Let's not forget the fact that I am eighteen, which qualify me as an adult. Just ignore the blaring image that I'm suddenly two years old. This calls for a time that age isn't a factor when it comes to measuring one's maturity.

But fuck, it's better to pack everything you got and run away to Canada if you want to keep your sanity intact from Yamazaki fucking Himeji.

It takes all my goddamned willpower to not come towards her and rip her head from her body. She isn't the first one to make me want to slash their throat, dance gleefully on their corpse, and watch as the blood splatters around me like the pitter-patter of the rain. But it is the intensity of the ideation that makes it unlike any other.

In just two meetings, my blood would boil at the mention of her name.

But fuck, I will not let her get the worst of me. I should just ignore her. I mean, her antics were so fucking petty it makes me wonder how the hell did she became the head of Momokyokai.

Anyway, I have handled worse. Her ploys were just children's play.

・・・

The motor's engines came to die down as we stopped by a dimly lit modern building with bright neon lights dancing across its wall and combustive music shrieking like a banshee. The parking lot were reeking of sex and garbages, condom dumpster, and other shits you would expect from a clubhouse at night.

Ukyo grabbed me by the armpits, took me off the motor, and placed me by its side. I removed the straps of the helmet and shook my damp hair from the heat of the helmet.

I stretched myself and groaned in satisfaction when few of the bones popped loudly.

Urgh, if only there was a sofa to lay down when they had errands to do and meetings with people throughout the entire morning and afternoon, I wouldn't be so stiff from sitting on a wooden chair. There was nothing to humor me, except for a Rubix Cube, which sadly doesn't hold my interest for long. The same dude who dropped me off to Yamazaki's house last week was there to monitor me, but he was so immersed in his earphones that I can't just bother him.

Well, at least there's a mini break for lunch.

I looked around the streets and frowned apprehensively.

The place looks like a typical bad neighbourhood with clubhouses, gambling houses, sex hotels, adult theatre, brothels and other things you wouldn't see in the norm of ignorant normalcy. Although the dark skies and the glaring lights could be found everywhere in the cities, it gave this district a seducing edge of trouble and naughtiness.

The frenzied music was reverberating throughout the entire street, merging with the other noises to become cancerous to the brain. The throngs are unusual and intimidating to see in the public, but are common to find in this district. They have one or two things that distinguished themselves away from the common crowd―bold dyed hair, piercings and tattoos and scars decorating their body, smokes and drugs on their mouth and nostrils, and the overall aura and clothes that earned them the tags from the society.

It did not suffocate me, though. To be honest, I feel like I have encountered this kind of crowd before.

It looks like a typical place for an operation to be held in, where if you know the right dirty person, you can get the right dirty stuff. No wonder why Ukyo said I would fit right in, despite my obvious young appearance. With this black heeled leather boots and ripped jeans, checkered jacket, and a thin white shirt splattered with red paint and illegible words, I must be screaming emo.

I blinked my thoughts away and turned to Ukyo, seeking his presence to guide me through the ordeal.

"C'mon," he smiled at me, grabbing the helmet from my hands and crouching down to my height. I met his reassuring blue eyes, accentuated in the illumination of neon lights dancing across the wall behind us.

He placed a warm hand on my shoulder, seeping most of my worries away. "I'm here with you, okay? If there's trouble, remember that I'll always comes to your aid."

My lips quirked a bit at the corner and I nodded, even though my mind was lingering on the notion of what is bound to happen to me.

Though, if we were parked by the club, does that mean we are going in? Did they forget that they have a child?

Ah, how stupid of me. This is Ukyo and Yamazaki we're talking about.

Ukyo straitened up and placed the helmet under his armpit, using the other arm to give me a push to where Yamazaki was walking ahead before he danced bizarrely through the way.

" _Tooooo~ nine~teen~oh~five~ Here~ we~_ _ **GO**_ _!_ "

I looked at the sign board above the building where Yamazaki was heading to. Bordered in black and decorated by sphere bulbs, the sign is like a 90s movie sign, with three vertical lines striking through the large words in the middle, _19-OH-5._

Ukyo jumped and hopped several times to the noise, creating a great distance between us that I have to jog to catch up to. "The sooner we get this done the better," he explained merrily, pausing everything to completely thrust his hips forward. I winced. "We could get it done in a minute if we're being awesome."

"Information gathering?" I said out of whim.

Ukyo squealed loudly and clapped his hands excitedly, bright blue eyes sparkling with a watery sheen. "What speculation! You're pretty smart for a two years old gurl!"

Was that a compliment or an insult?

"For what, though?" I tilted my head questioningly.

If it's information gathering, then it somewhat doesn't make any sense. Why do Ukyo and Yamazaki have to personally do the job when they were the powerheads of Momokyokai and could just get any underling to do the job? It's not like they have a high chance of betrayal, since all Yakuza members are bound by brotherhood, family honour, and respect. And even if the case got thrusted into Ukyo's hands, he could just pull out his laptop and Bluetooth headset and get the intel under twenty-four hours.

Ukyo was silent, looking at the skies above before responding. "We need to find the mistress' whereabouts."

I frowned as the words sunk in. Then a light bulb sparked in my mind. "The mistress... Yamazaki mentioned that she was a..." I gulped uncomfortably at having to say the word, "whore?"

" _Ding~ dong~_ You _are_ correct~!" Ukyo twirled around to beam at me, the dancing lights illuminating behind him. "The mistress' man, Kouga, is a government official with a big nasty name in the Yakuza world, and some months ago he pulled a search order for all the gangs in the eight regions to find his lady and her son. The rewards are pretty big, and Momokyokai needs a man like Kouga on our favour, so we decided to help out. Recently I've received words that there's a man who has been keeping a lady and her son from coming out of his house, and that he would visit this club every Sunday. Me and Yamazaki decided to check it out, even if it will turn out to be a teensy-weensy related to Kouga."

He sighed heavily through his nose and spin himself around, dramatically leaning to the side as he hug himself. "To be honest, I don't want to deal with those men. There are rumours that the man hiding her away is forcing her to use her body to pay the debt. And then there's words that she was coerced to be in bed by Kouga since she descended from a special clan. And now she is on the run with her son despite the fact that her clan ignored her and she was jailed in her own house and the tight security around her. She's quite smart, though five years is too long to make a plan go into action."

"Oh." I muttered, thinking. The information was easier to face on, but to take it in? It would be a fight against my morality if I wasn't jaded by my death.

I coughed awkwardly to gather my wits and form them into words, "So in this case... there could be a chance that the man is using the mistress to pay the debt. But―" I sighed deeply, "I feel like it wasn't true at all. If she could escape from Kouga with that level of surveillance and on her own, then she could easily fend off the man. After all, she came from a special clan. We don't know how she works."

I played with the hem of my sleeves, feeling awkward that I'm casually talking about someone's demise. "So we could be dragging her back to hellhole… because considering her situation, it's highly plausible. Then this Kouga will have his son back to succeed him... as he was powerful enough to get you and Yamazaki to do the searching in person… Ad he would deal with his mistress for running away..."

I trailed off uncomfortably to glanced up at Ukyo for confirmation, but he was preoccupied. He was gazing off to somewhere, his eyes dulled by the shadows of the night.

"You got a good grasp at the first part ..." he commented quietly. I waited for him to say anything, but he just sighed.

"No."

It was just that, only one word. I should have leave it alone, but there was a buzz at the back of my mind, growing stronger and stronger till it turned into ants crawling under my skin.

"Then what is it?" I urged him.

He glanced down at me, the lights falling down his cheeks to accentuate the raw exhaustion on his face.

"Kouga is a pedophile."

I flinched back as if he slapped me.

" _What?_ " I asked, bewildered, before gasping at the realisation of what they are doing.

I glared up at him, clenching my fist in tight anger. "You're going to use me because if you two were to deal with the man, you wouldn't have succeed, because you feel that the man knows about the mistress' dire situation and how you would do anything to get the mistress back to Kouga. But if I was there with you, _a helpless English-speaking kid_ , the man would have believe whatever will come from your mouth! And then you'll use me as a leverage to sweet talk him into giving us the location!"

Ukyo jerked away before he pierced his vivid eyes at me. "Stop trying to fill in the missing space of the story with your impressions."

" _I am trying to understand the situation!_ " I shouted at him heatedly, "But there's no need for understanding, because I will not help you do this!" I let out an angry sigh and ran a hand through my hair. "God, do you understand how this is so wrong? You are using me to bring a women and her son back to the man who will do bad shits to them! I will not let you use me to do that to them!"

The blond's dull eyes sharpened in the dark, and slowly, he crouched down to face me.

And then fear began trickling deep in my veins as his face loomed into mine, the sound of terror palpitating in my ears. I felt suffocated at the lost of space between us when he slowly brought his hand to squish my cheeks together. It was as if he was gripping my throat and my panic began to rise as his dead gaze bore into mine.

"You don't get to conclude what is the story when you don't even know the entirety of it," he whispered slowly, dangerously, sinking his fingers deep into my cheeks. His touch made me hyper aware that I could not bring myself to breathe, when his aura was this overwhelming to me.

It was sickening, when everything feels like a parody of the moment just a few minutes ago, where he comforted me, when there was dirty hands pressing against my windpipe, digging through it and fiddling it to test which would get me grovelling down on the ground like a salivating dog tortured under the heat of the sun.

"I know what I'm doing," he said simply, yet so menacingly, as he released his hold on my cheeks before patting me on the head and walking away, leaving me drowning in my memories.

He took a deep breathe before smiling serenely. "Now let's go, okay?" He held out a hand, a gesture so innocuous yet it was the same hand that squished my cheeks together.

Numbly, I took it, and his hand tightened around it.

Everything seemed to be in a haze as the memories came flooding my brain with burning agony and pain. His grip felt like the thousand hands that held me down as I asphyxiated in a plastic contained with urine. The pain trickled deep in my heart, and there was a sick pleasure at the feeling of my heart being torn over and over as I relieve the memories.

And then I pinched myself in the arm that was attached to the hand Ukyo gripped. Again. Again and again to fucking remind myself that I have to just get over it. I gave myself one last hard pinch for a good measure.

I began to exercise breathing properly, trying to regain my senses before Ukyo released his grip on me.

With each steps I take, there was a small yet safe distance between us, as if it was just natural that I spaced away from him when it was my intentions to do so.

When we could finally see Yamazaki, who was on her phone, there was a long lane of people waiting to get in, excitement reverberating in their body even behind the face of calmness. The club must be regarded highly if they could get this large amount of people waiting. I accidentally caught the eyes of a long-faced man with eyes heavily lined and covered in black makeup who glared at me.

I looked away from him.

My attention shifted to the several exclamations as the line toppled behind like dominos, Ukyo standing proudly in front of the two bouncers.

A man behind the blond grabbed him by the shoulder harshly and hollered something in Japanese.

Ukyo merely glanced disdainfully at him over his shoulder before his mouth spoke words that got the crowd behind him spluttering and the man jerking his hand away.

I stood by the wide-nosed bouncer, having nothing to do and nothing to worry since all eyes were on Ukyo. I looked up at the large nostrils of the bouncer and saw bushy nose hair and dried mucus sticking to it. His big plump lips and large wide nose also stood out from his small round face.

The bouncer snorted and spoke. Oh, he has a nasal voice.

Yamazaki shoved her phone in her skirt and strutted up to him, jabbing a finger repeatedly at his chest to emphasise the words that flew from her mouth. The bouncer chortled and waved her away, only for her to clamped her hand over his wrist and dig her index finger in with a vicious smile.

The bouncer howled in pain and Yamazaki pulled her hand away, followed by a quick drip of blood from her finger and a sharp grin that spoke of the hundred things she would do if things does not went her way.

Quacking, he covered his wrist with his hands, which was dribbling quickly with blood flowing from the wound her finger drilled in.

Ukyo came over to cheerfully draped an arm over the bouncer's shoulder, leaning down to whisper into his ears, his lips curved to a cruel smile. The wide-nosed bouncer jerked away from Ukyo and nodded fearfully, yelling something at the other bouncer who complied without any words.

Despite the grandeur of their cruel actions and the silence it evoked from the people, the doors opened to reveal a typical nightclub of flickering lights and sultry dancing people, loud chatters and vicious music booming from the large speakers.

Ukyo and Yamazaki sashayed into the club, and I scurried after them, sending a quick glance to the hunching wide-nosed bouncer holding his wrist while the other quickly closed the doors behind us.

I turned my eyes away and took in the room. It felt like I'm in some aesthetic scene showcasing some timid one's first experience of being in a sweaty crowd.

I sighed.

What a dull person am I.

・・・

And typically, I have to get lost in the crowds of dancing sweaty people.

The blaring music hurt my head so much I couldn't focus on my surroundings clearly. I tried my best to follow Ukyo and Yamazaki in the dark and bright flickering lights but my thin body got sweep by the throng of drunkards and into the flashing neon dancefloor.

It was then a battle for life to swat grinding and swaying butts away and run from the lingering hands.

When I managed to get out, I unfortunately ended up being in the bar area.

Trying my best to ignore the feeling that there were eyes wandering on me, I took refuge at the only free table, which was farthest from the bar and considered the quiet part of the club, and hid my body in the dim lighting. I wrapped my jacket around my body and ducked my head down, hoping that it would give the get-the-fuck-away-from-me vibes.

Sadly, one stumbling fucktard came over to my table and proceeded to flop himself over the chair opposite to me.

 _Shit._

I glared at him when he slammed down a brown bottle with a hand-written label and two shot glasses on the table before he propped his elbow on the table's surface and leaned his head on the hand, his lips curving to a leer before he stumbled over his words.

I glowered at him as he hiccuped and blushed and burped, releasing the acidic smell of alcohol over the table. Reciting a sentence over and over my head, I gulped when I felt like I could not roll my tongue.

"わー私はにーにー日本語はー話せません..."

Shit, I shuttered.

He blinked his blurry eyes at me, squinted them before he jerked to straightened himself up, sniffing with a prideful smile.

"A cute, short, timid and foreign girl! _Eigo_!" He pumped his fist up and down animatedly, doing a self-celebratory dance. He banged his hands on top of the table, the drinking utensils shaking slightly, as he stared down at me with a self-indulgent look. "Waah, you look _soooo_ young for an adult!"

 _Holy shit._

"Excuse me," I raised my hand hesitantly, slightly terrified at his attitude and the outcome if this were to drag on. "But I'm a minor."

All of his excitement died down on his face as he took a long look at me, his eyes concentrating from my face to my body.

I shrunk back as the levity of my situation hit me in full force, that he was contemplating whether I was worth to fuck or not. I quickly tugged the jacket tighter around my chest to hide my body from his roaming eyes.

He drew back with a harsh glare at me. "You got to be kidding me," he hissed, his nose flaring in anger.

 _Fuck, is this really going to happen to me?_

"No, really, I am," I told him shakily, the fear lodging me into his seat, making me unable to get up and run as fast as I could. I tried to shake it off as I stood up, a futile attempt as my hand shook when I held on the table to stand. "I'm really two years old."

"What?" He blurted out before he shot up from his seat in a rush. "Wait!"

I jerked away from his reactions but he flinched, the odd attitude capturing me in my shock as he frowned and tried to placate the situation by raising his hands up. "Please, let me talk to you, okay?"

His voice took on a softer tone, and I watched him uneasily, debating my decision whether to comply as he scooted closer to the wall, creating a bigger space between us.

He ran a hand through his brown hair, his golden eyes slanted in hollow anger before a sigh left his mouth.

I frowned heavily. _Fuck, why did I listened to my feelings again?_

"Did someone put you to this?" he asked gently, eyes softening in genuine sadness.

I blinked at the question. "What do you mean?"

"An adult, agent, some creepos, or a parent, did they put you up for this?" he rephrased the question.

Again, I blinked at him. I have two assholes who drag me to this club to send a mother's son into the deepest sex dungeon of his pedophile father while the mother will face unfortunate discipline which could actually be torture.

"I mean," he sighed uncomfortably. "Did they make business through you getting… _fucked_ by people?"

Oh.

Everything made sense in that one quick moment.

When he took a long look at me after I told him I was a minor, he was assessing me and my situation, not leering. When he got to the speculation that I was a child sex worker, he was in momentarily disbelief before he was determined to help me from whatever hellhole I came from.

 _Oh._

"...I can help you." I snapped my head to him, meeting his gaze, bright with compassion and justice for the people who suffer under the hands of the cruel ones. "I helped a kid and his mother to hide from this man by letting them stay in my house. Everything is free for them, and the kid is getting educated by his mom with the books I kept. I also try my best to make sure they can go outdoors secretly, to enjoy a world of fresh air and beautiful greeneries."

He must thought he saw something in my gaze because his golden eyes hardened with resolution. "If you don't believe me, then I'm sure you must've heard it in a passing from the people in your business about the man who pulled a search order for them."

Dread began to settled in the pit of my stomach as I recognised where the flow of this conversation is going.

"You know him, Kouga, right?" I inhaled sharply at the name and his eyes sharpened. "Well then, you will know that other being the prestigious and corrupted goverment official, he is a goddamned pedophile lusting after his own son."

There was silence looming over us as the weight of his words consumed the distance between us.

He coughed into his hand and pursed his lips together, a faint pink dusting over his pale cheeks. "If you would like to come with me, then... my name is Teiku. I'm sure Kyoya-kun would like to have someone around his age for company..."

He gazed at me with wide eyes that was like a 24 carats gold, determination screaming in the way he hold himself.

I contemplated my own life.

How did I get into this kind of situations so easily?

* * *

 **TRANSLATION;;**

 **私は日本語話せません ー** **I don't speak Japanese (watashi ha nihongo hanasemasen)**

* * *

 **That was a stressful ride, I tried typing this again and again but the words coming from my brain aren't creative. This sucks. I hope you will forgive my assholic writing;;;**

 **Anyway, hope you guys enjoy summer vacation, 'cuz mine is coming to an end and I'm going back to relying on money for mobile data and becoming a 10th grader ;;;v;;;**

* * *

 **QUESTION: What's the feels you get from Mahiro here? Also, what do you anticipate from this plot?**

* * *

 **FUN FACT: Yamazaki's first name was supposed to be Himeko. However, Google Keyboard autocorrect it to Himeji and that's how she got her name :')**

* * *

 **p.s. ukyo did really say bangtan (does he stan them or does he stan them?)**


End file.
